- Ray Me Fa So La? Oops! Don’t Forget Heeldo!
While in Las Vegas for the AVN/ANE I had a great time checking out the new and upcoming products. I saw this one and had to have it. It’s clever, impossible to forget, you can use it alone or with friends and it is great for both men and women. What else could you want?
It is the first strap on harness for both gay and straight men. Here are some suggestions of how men can use Heeldo:- Anal & prostate stimulation for intense male orgasms
- Solo masturbation while self-pegging
- Gay or straight couple play
- Men with a foot fetish
Foot Fetish? If you like to watch, have your partner strap-on Heeldo while laying, kneeling, bouncing, or squating on their favorite dildo or butt plug. Now go do it, with your foot!
USE HEELDO IN REAR HEEL POSITION:
Slip the Heeldo foot harness on your foot like a sock
Slide your favorite flared base dildo through the o-ring in the ‘rear heel posiition’ over the back of your heel
Insert the dildo into your cooch or ass
USE HEELDO IN THE BOTTOM HEEL POSITION:
Slide your favorite flared base dildo through the o-ring in the ‘bottom heel posiition’ – this puts the dildo on the bottom of your foot, rather than the heel
Lay on your back and insert your partner’s ass while they are doggystyle or spread eagle
WAIT! A BONUS! I consulted with a well known fitness specialist on the Heeldo. Call me crazy but I saw it not just as a “hands free” toy. After testing the product and evaluating the volunteers we discovered that not only is the Heeldo good for your sex life but it is also great for your body! For me, being a multi-tasker, this makes it a must buy! He found that it worked the quads, hamstrings, glutes, abductors, adductors and calf muscles. Ummm… SOLD! - TENGA.. Egg-actly what you need!
TENGA You don’t want to necessarily spend the big bucks on toys? Especially when you have no idea if they work. I know I don’t!
There are a lot of masturbation sleeves out there. Some are very complicated to clean and maintain. Some require prep time. Who wants to have to do that? When the mood hits you want it now, not 20 minutes from now. You also want durability and of course safety. Value for your money. Tenga has made it very easy to please yourself and a friend (The Double Hole Cup! A must!) if you choose. In testing they were able to stretch out huge, so please do not go in saying I need extra large because I will kick your ass. These eggs last approximately 15 uses, depending on your exertion and preference.
They all have insides geared to what feels good to you. Multiple textures which equal different sensations which equals hopefully, bliss. I would recommend trying these out before investing in the pricier sleeves. I know it doesn’t seem like it would matter but they really don’t feel the same.
The Twister
The Stepper
The Misty
The Crater
Each egg comes with a small package of their egg lubrication. I have heard a lot of complaints on how water based lubes get dry too quickly and oil based stain. My goal is too save you the time and spending money on something you won’t use. The feedback I got on this water-based lube was quite good. It didn’t get dry to quickly and worked well. Not just the Tenga but others as well.
The size of the eggs is ideal for travel. I mean you could probably even bring it in your carry on. So if you are looking for a fun new thing to play with, this definitely, these definitely, worth the money! For fun I would recommend also taking the quiz on Tenga that they refer to as a fitting chart. I thought it looked hilarious, no idea if its for real, but for fun!
- Penis Pump by Hustler
www.hustler.com
FIRST TIME THIS HAS HAPPENED!
See this fun thing I got at the ANE/AVN 2014. This penis pump is the first product I am reviewing that had a unanimous thumbs up. Every single person that tried this product said it worked. Seriously!
I was surprised about how open they were about even using it. I am not sure why but I thought it would be one of those toys that they would try but not tell anyone. Perhaps because it involves the size of their penis and men seem to have NO sense of humor when it comes to that. I mean zero. The fact that this wasn’t an issue intrigued me. Of course, the ego driven men had to throw in after giving me their review, that naturally they didn’t need it, but they had no problem saying they used it.
*Warning…
I went to get my penis pump. I had one more person to give one to. I look in my bag and it is gone! Gone! Wtf? Where could it be?? I look all over my room, start to second guess myself and then it hits me. I have a teen boy who has hormones in overdrive. Desperate to figure out how to make it happen. What he needs to say.. to do.. to wear.. You name it.
“Umm.. so I was wondering (I am deliberately trying not to make eye contact), umm.. I had this blue thing in my bag in my room (anticipating the uncomfortable moment approaching) and it isn’t there anymore. Did you maybe borrow it because you know those things don’t work.” (silence) “I know what it is ya know.” “You do?” “Yes. I looked it up on the internet. What do you mean it doesn’t work?” (oh no) “It just doesn’t. I get things to review and usually they don’t work.” (he looks at me like I’m lying. I need a pause) What if he already used it? I don’t want it back! I don’t want him to hand it to me. I am open with my kids about everything so that if they have questions but this is just one step over the line. I immediately text my test team and explain. “So is this thing like dangerous? Can I get away with letting him keep it or could he hurt himself? Could he decide he wants to really go big and go too far? Is that a problem? “Take it away from him.” “Do not let him keep it” “He could seriously injure himself” Shit! Damn! Gotta get it back. I decide to text him. I go outside and get in car. “I have to run to the store. Can you do me favor because I need to review it. Can you put that blue thing back in my room while I’m gone? Thanks” ”Okay mom. I will and I didn’t use it you know.” I have no idea if he did or not but he is walking fine and it is all packed up the way it was initially so I am just gonna go with that.
My point.. Not suitable for boys who desperately want to get laid. They could seriously hurt themselves. Please place out of reach!
- PRIDE Lubricant
Lubricant for the Cause by Nature Labs LLC
When I was at the ANE/AVN Expo this year, I loved checking out all the products and wanted one of everything. One of the things in particular I wanted to explore were the products geared towards gay men. It seems like most of the websites that sell sex stuff have tons of promos for heteros but very minimal for gay men. Why? No idea. I do know this is a male dominated industry but when have a ever let that stop me. I got a penis just like they do, only mine straps on!
I came upon this company and fell for the glow in the dark lubricant because we all know how embarassing it can be in the dark when you can’t find the hole you are looking for! LOL!
I got to talking to everyone and saw this product. I told them about my website, what it’s about, blah..blah..blah.. focusing on the demographic that isn’t quite as big as I think it should be. They were awesome and gave me a bottle to try out. Of course, I didn’t try it out. I guess I could have but I wanted to be true to the Cause!
Pretty Impressive Stuff!
Nature labs lubricants are designed to not only provide the perfect intimate experience, but are ideal for your sexual well-being. All of our lubricant lines contain two key ingredients (excluding GRIZZLY Silicone). Our base is comprised of carrageenan, this substance comes from red seaweed and has been shown in studies to prevent the spread of HSV* (herpes) and HPV** (Human papillomavirus).
Secondly, our lubricants all contain L-lysine which is an amino acid that suppresses viral replication and inhibits cytopathogenicity of herpes simplex virus.*** This means that L-lysine may help you recover faster from an infection and may help prevent the spread of the virus.
Just had to go with this pic! www.naturelabsusa.com
Feedback: Great product and loved that it’s ingrediants are natural. Definitely! Favorite water-based lube. It lasted longer than most of the water based lubricants tried out. The downside is that oil based is preferred because they seem to last much longer than all of the water based. The only thing is that it stains clothing, bedding, etc. This part sucks. Basically, this is number one in water based lubricants but in the big picture, oil based is preferred. Perhaps, this one is best used for quickies! I wonder if there is any oil based non-staining lubes?
- Swat Fuel
Swat Fuel.. Everything you need to get the best workout
I was at the Lauren Powers Classic at Cooks Corner and met this very informed man who was selling Swat Fuel. He gave me a bottle for free and asked me to try it out. He also gave me a tank and cute shorts (pic to come!). Unfortunately, I was injured so I haven’t been able to try it out. I gave to my cuz since he works out daily and does marathons, and asked him for feedback.
I checked out the Web Page!
Our Mission: Making Our Warriors – and Our Country – Stronger
If you’re going to design supplements for warriors, it helps if you are one. And if you’re also a physician, that’s a rare – and powerful – combination. SWAT Fuel founder, Dan Olesnicky, M.D., is a S.W.A.T. team physician and police officer in Palm Springs, California, and has been training S.W.A.T. and Spec Ops for over a decade. He is also a practicing full time internal medicine and emergency physician.
Dan’s law enforcement experience began as a S.W.A.T. Team physician with Clifton Police Department in Clifton, NJ. He then became a Tactical Medicine instructor with the HK International Training Division, and he is still teaching today with the International School of Tactical Medicine (ISTM). He is a recognized authority and sought-after international lecturer on emergency medicine, weight loss, physiology, S.W.A.T. team nutrition and fitness. Just as importantly, he is a currently a sworn California reserve police officer on S.W.A.T. and knows what it’s like to be an operator.
SWAT Fuel was born when, as an expert in wellness medicine for law enforcement, Dan realized there had to be a better way to fuel the body as a warrior. The result is a specially formulated line of nutraceuticals designed to meet the needs of S.W.A.T., Law Enforcement, Military, Fire, EMS, Shift Workers, and those with the Warrior spirit.
JUST ADD ADRENALINE. Energy. Stamina. Endurance. Focus.
Right now, he is loving this stuff. I guess these kinds of pills usually make you feel speedy, flushed, just that rushed feeling. This pill does not. The most significant thing he has noticed is that when he has a really hard workout, he feels it the next day. Swat Fuel seems to aid in rejuvenating your muscles. He isn’t feeling the wear and tear the next day. He is able to get another work out in. It is providing something to his muscles that, you can say, increases his ability to get stronger. This is pretty impressive.
I tend to prefer speedy pills. I associate that feeling with weight loss pills, not necessarily a good thing, but I am going to give these a go. I think since I seem to be prone to injury, maybe this will help. It can’t hurt, right? I wish I had little tiny penis pictures. I would give this product 4 out of 5 penis’.
Make yourself a warrior
Fuel your workout!
- How High Should I Jump by R. Milton Quibner
Author of How High Should I Jump
Take a look at this man in the picture. Who do you think he is? Surgeon? Professor? Retired? What do you think he likes to do in his free time? Sail? Golf? Strip Clubs? One of the things in life I would love to do is eliminate judging, assuming based on appearance. At times I deliberately take stereotype to the extremes. I want to show people that they should never think they know a person until they actually know a person. Everyone has a story, just like everyone has fantasies. Everyone daydreams, some crave even more. Let me introduce you to Milton.
Now everyone knows that I like things out of the norm. Keeps life interesting. Everyone knows at times I have a tendency to be sarcastic. This gentleman is the “messiah” of satire. His writing will not be for everyone. Newlyweds, possessive men, people who ride the political correct wave and never go out the zone.. this book is not for you. An open mind is required and a sense of humor. Women must not let their low self-esteem pop up and assume or take any of it personally. Men, especially the really weak and naive, this is a satire, not “The Rules”.
There are a gazillion books out there but very few can take you to multiple analogies and make you question everything. This book has so many levels to it. It is up to you which one you take. He is presenting a world where things are a bit turned around. The male/female roles are switched. Real life is turned around but it is intriguing and funny.
I was told that many men these days do not know how to deal with today’s woman. She is strong and knows she can live without them. She doesn’t need them for financial security or emotional support. Shit..she can go buy some sperm if she wants to have a baby. They don’t know what to do. Well, this is a glimpse at an approach that I have found out, is the norm in some gay relationships. I guess it could also be the norm in a S & M relationship. It could be the way a woman deep down really wants a relationship to be like, cause it isn’t too bad! It is a fun play on people and relationships. It is meant for entertainment. Milton does not hate women. His wife did not cheat on him. He just likes to play with what he sees in the world and if you are open to that, this is the book for you. No prince on a horse, no death at the end. You ever notice that is the best love stories someone has to die? I believe it’s because if they both stay alive, they will become the typical couple and be annoyed with each other, even hate each other. It’s not a love story unless one dies. Death makes love romantic? How fucked up is that? Well just think about that when you read his book, because we are the fuel that feeds his fire.
I could go into his background but honestly you would need a dictionary for it. You can go to the website www.HowHighShouldIJump.com and see for yourself. It is available on Amazon http://www.amazon.com/R.-Milton-Quibner/e/B00AEE0U16 and not a great gift for a wedding. Trust me, I showed one couple, they were disgusted. I thought it was funny. Of course I am completely full of BS so..
A Satirical Guide to Pleasing Today’s Woman by Milton Quibner
- The Dildo Dr.
There I was driving to Vegas when I see this truck. I laugh hysterically and snap a picture. Imagine, my car with TheAssGirl magnets driving beside a truck with The Dildo Dr. on it. It doesn’t get much better than that!
Talking to the Dildo Dr. was much more informative than you would think. I wished halfway through the conversation that I was taping it. The story of what led him to the business, the details on how to find a quality glass dildo, the dangers of latex and rubber, he really knows his stuff. I guess I will let him use the “Dr.” He seems more than qualified.
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- A Glorious Selection!
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- Hard to Choose!
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- Great Promotional Products
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- No.. No House Calls :(
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- Perfect Storage
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- My Pick!
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- Case full of Cushion
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- Another view
Taking a look at his variety of dildos was like seeing a gallery filled with art. Those magic words came out of his mouth that made me jump for joy, “Which one do you want?”. This was hard. Do I pick one purely based on how cool it looks? Do I pick one that I will actually use? Do I pick one that I can bench press? Yes! There are a few that heavy! This was tough. So many colors and shapes, I decided to go with the one that seemed to have the most options. Different ends, different textures, and the USA colors! Yep! That’s the one. It sounds silly but when he pulled out the bag to put it in, I got even more excited. I was soft and all cushion. There was no way this was going to break. The even better part is it is sitting on my nightstand and it never occurs to anyone that there is a glass dildo in there.
I wasn’t expecting to enjoy it as much as I did. I figured with no battery, no vibration, that it wouldn’t continually stimulate you. Boy was I wrong! I love this thing. Once wet, it stays slippery. It can be heated or cooled. A vibrating ring on there could put another spin on it. It can be used safely by straight, gay, lesbians or all by itself. I would love to have a collection of them although I would want to put them on display. I never knew why people loved them. There seemed to be this group of people who were pro glass dildos who would look at me while I was buying a vibrating one, like I had a lot to learn. All I saw was this pretty glass thing that cost a fortune. Now I have to say they are worth it. The motor doesn’t die. I don’t have to constantly buy batteries. Can’t overuse one of these!
This is the perfect gift for someone who has everything. This is the perfect gift period. Make sure though when you visit his site and purchase something, that you tell him TheAssGirl sent you. I feel pretty confident you will get a discount AND tell The Dildo Dr. I said hi and to send me more products to review!
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- Semen taste yucky?
One of my favorite things about the ANE/AVN is always the samples. I found this product pretty intriguing. The concept is good, bad tasting semen. This could be a problem for someone. They work like those breath strips. You peel the thin piece, place it on your tongue and it melts. Upon semen release it is supposed to give it the flavor that you chose. There is strawberry, chocolate, highly recommended mango and watermelon. I got chocolate and mango.
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- Better Tasting Semen
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- Yumm?
I am not quite sure how you could be subtle and unwrap this item, place it on your tongue when you know Romeo is about to blow. It could certainly cause a delay. I couldn’t try the chocolate. It gives me a headache but I did have a willing friend. As soon as she put it on the tongue she tried to spit it out. She said it was terrible. She compared it to finding an old cheap chocolate bunny after many years and then taking a bite. Not good. I gave the mango a try. They were pushing this one as the favorite. I don’t really eat mango straight as a fruit, more in a smoothie. This did not taste good to me. It was pretty bad. Perhaps because I have never really had a complaint about the taste of semen this wasn’t anything I wanted to try again. I will say that after placing it on my tongue, the last thing I wanted to do was give a blowjob. I wanted to find something to eat to get the taste out of my mouth.This is the thing.. Maybe people who do not like the taste of semen will prefer to use this so I don’t feel like I can give it a thumbs down. I guess, if you hate semen, give it a try. I will say the mango did smell a lot better than the chocolate. The other flavors may be tastier. It is up to you. If curious visit the Masque website and give it a try. What have you got to lose??
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- Peppermint Peckers
Purchased at Touch of Romance/Con Rev
Peppermint Peckers
Okay..if you know me at all you know I always have a container of these in my purse. I just LOVE them! From a practical standpoint, I have this chronic dry mouth problem so for me THEY ARE MEDICALLY NECESSARY! From a fun standpoint, I love the expression that people get when I casually offer them a breath mint. As soon as they take a good look at it they realize…of course, I point out that they are sugarfree, long lasting and a lot less messy than having any other kind of pecker in your mouth. There is no pressure to take the whole thing. You could just have the tip or the nuggets. I don’t know why but a few days ago I blurted that word out and it stuck. These peckers are always refreshing. They also last along time! HeHe! (No comment). Lastly I have never experienced lock jaw while consuming one of these. My ultimate joy is when a male realizes what it is. The fact that most of them won’t even put them in their mouth, like it’s a real penis. Cracks me up.
One asked me if it was laced with something. Like I was sitting in my house, creating these candies, throwing a date rape drug in them. Perfect way to score! NOT! Then there are the ones who put it in their mouth all determined and saying “look at me! I’m not afraid!”. Some even bite it. Such rebels! Ahhh…you complex men. You do make things at times quite entertaining! I would like to point out also, that I believe I have, all on my own, make these peckers totally popular, because everytime I go to buy them they are always sold out now and it’s frustrating! Thankfully, www.Atouchofromance.com has my number so they gave me a heads up when new stock arrived. Thank you T of R! For recognizing the loyal consumers. I LOVE PEPPERMINT PECKERS!
CHEF V
Desperation…
It can make us do crazy things. We can convince ourselves that this is exactly what you need. Well, that’s what happened and there was a Groupon. I figured even if I didn’t lose weight, it would be a cleanse. Even with the Groupon it was still pricey and I got a free bag and mixing cup. It arrived at like 4 in the morning.
Following the instructions I am drinking the green juice which wasn’t so bad. It was pretty much water with a splash of flavor. Not the greatest flavor but tolerable. I continued to follow and came to the one item I was looking forward to. the soup. The ingredients were all things I liked. It has sweet potatoes and smelt pretty good. I took a taste and AHHH!!! Disgustinng! I can force myself to swallow a few not so appealing things 
but this was impossible. I tried over and over but couldn’t. There was no way.
Later on at a friend’s house I was talking about the cleanse. I brought over the green juice. My friend read it amused. She is like “You could make this yourself for a lot less money. It’s just kale and celery, etc. She is an amazing cook so I brought over the soup to see if she could do something to make it more appetizing. She was stoked.
After thinking about it I realized she was right. I paid money to do something I could do easily do myself. I didn’t need to spend the money or give credit to a big company. I just needed a little will power. Later that day my friend offered to bring the soup back once she made it more tasty. “Nahh.. Just keep it. I don’t need it”.
If you do better with the pressure of a product then go for it. If you can’t swallow anything disgusting, don’t. If you don’t want to throw your money away (which I feel as if I did) keep it.
I would not recommend it.
Say Something Raunchy