Penis Pump by Hustler

See this fun thing I got at the ANE/AVN 2014. This penis pump is the first product I am reviewing that had a unanimous thumbs up. Every single person that tried this product said it worked. Seriously!

I was surprised about how open they were about even using it. I am not sure why but I thought it would be one of those toys that they would try but not tell anyone. Perhaps because it involves the size of their penis and men seem to have NO sense of humor when it comes to that. I mean zero. The fact that this wasn’t an issue intrigued me. Of course, the ego driven men had to throw in after giving me their review, that naturally they didn’t need it, but they had no problem saying they used it.

*Warning…

I went to get my penis pump. I had one more person to give one to. I look in my bag and it is gone! Gone! Wtf? Where could it be?? I look all over my room, start to second guess myself and then it hits me. I have a teen boy who has hormones in overdrive. Desperate to figure out how to make it happen. What he needs to say.. to do.. to wear.. You name it.

“Umm.. so I was wondering (I am deliberately trying not to make eye contact), umm.. I had this blue thing in my bag in my room (anticipating the uncomfortable moment approaching) and it isn’t there anymore. Did you maybe borrow it because you know those things don’t work.” (silence) “I know what it is ya know.” “You do?” “Yes. I looked it up on the internet. What do you mean it doesn’t work?” (oh no) “It just doesn’t. I get things to review and usually they don’t work.” (he looks at me like I’m lying. I need a pause) What if he already used it? I don’t want it back! I don’t want him to hand it to me. I am open with my kids about everything so that if they have questions but this is just one step over the line. I immediately text my test team and explain. “So is this thing like dangerous? Can I get away with letting him keep it or could he hurt himself? Could he decide he wants to really go big and go too far? Is that a problem? “Take it away from him.” “Do not let him keep it” “He could seriously injure himself” Shit! Damn! Gotta get it back. I decide to text him. I go outside and get in car. “I have to run to the store. Can you do me favor because I need to review it. Can you put that blue thing back in my room while I’m gone? Thanks” ”Okay mom. I will and I didn’t use it you know.” I have no idea if he did or not but he is walking fine and it is all packed up the way it was initially so I am just gonna go with that.

My point.. Not suitable for boys who desperately want to get laid. They could seriously hurt themselves. Please place out of reach!