- Butler vs Submissive.. Is The Only Difference A Uniform?
I was watching a film that was loosely based on Doris Duke. It was about her and her butler. Initially while watching it, I assumed he was straight. Later in the film it is revealed that he is gay, although you never see him out with men or talking about needing sex. It seemed like a take it or leave it. He was happy just being who he was and taking care of Doris. There was a point in the movie where he is asked what he really wants in life. For her, he was difficult to understand. He obviously adored her but had no desire to sleep with her. He is offered a large sum of money to leave but turns it down. He has no outside friends or hobbies. What is in it for him? His response is that all he wants to do is take care of her and that’s what made me think about being a sub and not the “traditional” female sub/male dom, but the opposite. We don’t hear a lot about it. Why not?
Is there something wrong with a man being a submissive? Why isn’t it talked about more? I’m thinking it’s because, like everything else these days, society has its own definition of what a male sub would be. A tiny guy who is meek and shy. A guy who is quiet and stays under the radar. Like every other assumption or judgement society has, they have it completely wrong.
I am considered by some, an assertive woman. An independent, strong and in control type of woman. Perhaps the dom role is something I should entertain. I decided to do some digging. After reading a few articles I thought, “This is it! This is what I want. It sounds perfect. This man sounds perfect” I delved further and realized it isn’t that simple. They aren’t that simple.
A male submissive, in general, is exactly the opposite of what others think. They are strong, powerful men who in their daily life, may be lawyers, doctors, CEOs. They always call the shots. This is why after hours, they want someone else to take over. I can understand that. It makes sense. I was like, “Count me in!”, but how can I tell if they are into this? There are a lot of suits out there.
He is a gentleman. The kind of gentleman that I have never experienced. The kind I didn’t think existed anymore. He will pull your chair out for you, open doors, want you to be happy. He wants to take care of you and enjoys it. In fact, it arouses him. He is turned on by success, your success. He isn’t threatened at all and will be your cheerleader. He loves a woman who does not need rescuing. If your meal isn’t to your satisfaction, you don’t just sit there and say nothing. You also don’t tell him in hopes that he will talk to the waiter for you. Male subs are also excellent fathers. He will be very involved in the upbringing of your children. He will go to school events, baseball games, whatever extracurricular activity the kids participate in. I wish I had known about this. That sort of trait these days is priceless and not as easy to find, as you would think. One of the best and most interesting traits that many submissive men is that they really don’t care if you are overweight. They aren’t looking at your body. Odds are they will be looking at your feet asking if you get pedicures since his desire is to kiss them and rub them. Speaking of feet, he is also a fan of high heels. He doesn’t like flats or running shoes. He likes you looking powerful and tall. In fact, he may sleep on the floor just so you are above him. One trait that I wasn’t aware of is that generally they are completely smooth. They shave their entire body, pubes and all. Is it to have the younger, innocent look? He could be into the mommy thing. I have no idea. There are a variety of play that the submissive male will be into. It isn’t all bondage and insult. It doesn’t have to be.
Now to the part that for me is something I could not do without. Many of these submissive men do not have a desire for penetration. Yes, they don’t want or even need sex. Being dominated is what turns them on the most. That’s what turns them on. I guess you can’t really say it’s a terrible thing when you look at all the other positives. It is like all relationships. It is hard work. There has to be communication and respect for each other. He is a person, not just a submissive man. After I learned these things I saw that it isn’t as green on the other side of the fence as I thought. It isn’t easy. You still have to compromise, think about their feelings, and listen to what they say, what they want. It isn’t simple but for others, it is everything they want. So even though I thought this sounded perfect at the start, I’m going to have to choose the butler. It’s less complicated and I have been single for a long time. Of course, I can’t afford a butler right now but when I can, I will be able to maintain that relationship. I’m not a complete loss. - BDSM.. Which one is for me?
With the soon to be upcoming craze of 50 Shades I feel the need to take an even deeper look at the BDSM genre.
Curiosity drives me I had to take a closer look.
A friend of mine was contemplating opening up her world, sexual world, and dabbling a little in the BDSM. She had “accidentally” tripped on to a man who was on the program and eager to bring in a newbie. She was a little nervous but consulted a couple friends for the really burning questions. He was very specific about what he wanted which was the first surprise. It was almost like it was scripted. “She was auditioning for a role” This was the way to look at it, to not be so nervous about it. Fear of the unknown and fear of pain. They were messaging back and forth. She realized that her usual methods of flirtation would not work with this person. Using the word cock in a sentence was not going to get her a follow up message. It was so unfamiliar.
Her big relief was when she found out there would be nothing painful would be done to her. There would be spanking but she would have the pleasure. According to the script she was going to be the one in charge. She would be spanking but only with the hand and always over the knee. At first it would be over pants. Gradually it would work it’s way to bare ass. In between? He was to be sent to the corner. He was to be scolded while there and lectured on his misbehavior. He would not speak unless he was told to and he was not allowed to touch himself. She became a little concerned. “What if he called her Mommy?” Was this a mommy/son thing or was this a teacher/student, so many options. This made getting into character challenging, not to mention, she had never even spanked her kids. Did he want it hard? Did he want it to only sting a little? He said to chastise him in the corner. What was chastise? “Chastise is like what you would say when you are giving them trouble.“ She had never put her kids in a corner, spanked, or chastised them. I mean you can only tell someone you are naughty or a bad boy so many times. It was time to get reinforcements. She contacted a couple gfs (myself included) and went to work. This is where my curiosity kicked in so I took over the internet part. That is where I discovered that there are so many types of S&M and the one this guy was describing, with all the specifics, actually had a name.. Domestic Discipline. I couldn’t believe it had an actual name.
I got a better sense of what was the goal in this. I mean my friend was like, “Are we even going to have sex?” We didn’t know. “Do you walk right in playing the role or is there like a trigger word like ACTION? “What should I wear?” We decided to take the secretary approach. Anything far away from being mommy.
I became the director and she became the actress.SCENE
You are going to walk in there strong and confident. Follow his lead for a minute. That will be the only time he calls the shots. Walk into his room and take a look around. Find the corner you will want to use then tell him to go stand in it. If he asks anything, tell him to be quiet. Did you tell him to talk? Absolutely not. He will only talk when told to do so. I’m not sure what he will call you, hopefully not mom. I’m thinking either master/ma’am/mistress, I have no idea. Take a deep breath. Your goal is to humiliate but you use your sexuality to do it. Walk up to him, tell him he is naughty and let your breathe flow down his neck. Run your hands down his back, through his hair. What you want to do is find his triggers, the things that get him excited. Make a point of pointing it out if you see that it is working and tell him firmly that it is not allowed. He doesn’t deserve what you have. Walk over to the bed and reiterate how bad he is. Tell him to come over. Did he move his hands? Hands at the side! Did he start walking? Did you tell him to? See how naughty he is. It’s time for him to be bent over your knee. According to my notes, in between the spanks, it is good to rub the area softly. I guess it feels good after the sting. Make sure you spank him hard, a few times. Once it seems like he is starting to get excited, stop immediately. This is supposed to torture him. Tell him to get up. Make eye contact and tell him to take off his clothes. Keep the eye contact and make sure he looks at you. This is also supposed to be humiliating. There is supposed to be shame. You can play with him some more or put him back in the corner. He will only be in his underwear so you will be able to definitely tell if what you are doing is working. You can really start to have fun with him now. Nibble on the ear, run your lips down his back, gently grasp his ass and in between. Whisper to him how he doesn’t listen or do what he is supposed to. Is he getting excited again? Stop. Walk over to the middle of the room, tell him to undress you, if you want. Tell him to do it slowly, anyway you want him to. Underneath you will be wearing something very sexy. He will probably like that. What do you want him to do now? Send him back to the corner. Have him take off the underwear. Have him stand in front of you barenaked, again this is supposed to be shaming. When he is in the corner you can have even more fun with him. You can rub up against him, your breasts on his back. Your tongue anywhere and everywhere. If you are in the mood, give him a blow job but do not let him cum. You have to stop before. Remember…torture!
Now it’s all about you. Go back and order him to go down on you, for as long as you want. He wants to please you and be a good boy. (hehe) Make him earn it. After that it’s time for the bare ass spanking. Try not to dwell on the red marks. It’s what he is after. He wants it to hurt when he sits down. He wants to feel the pain as he goes through his day. He will probably be really turned on, wiggling around, hard as a rock…At this point I couldn’t find anymore information online. The transition to sex. I told her to do whatever she wanted at that point. Hell..I don’t know! I just have print outs with sentences highlighted!
She came back empowered and excited. She had fun with it and was genuinely proud of herself. She was giddy with the success of her first encounter of Domestic Discipline. I think she has found her calling.
- Puppy Play is all the rage! Downward dog?
Do you live somewhere where dogs aren’t allowed?
Are you aware you have other options?
Los Angeles is where it all begins. If they are doing it here, eventually it will be everywhere and it usually isn’t made to be a dirty secret but a fun game that everyone should try. Since this site is geared around things out of the “norm” I am going to talk about this and gay men. It is good to know though that this is being played all over by everyone. Right now it just seems to dominate the popular playtime parties in the gay community.
In a nutshell, men dress up and act like dogs. You do not have to be on all fours but if you do, knee pads would probably be a smart purchase. It is not necessarily sexual and no real animals are involved. They wear leather masks shaped as dogs, have butt plug tails, leash, etc. A tag is only necessary if a puppy is owned. You would not where a tag if you weren’t. Essentially you are a stray, hoping someday to be “adopted”. Remember that these are pack animals and in any group like that, one will generally take on the alpha role! So imagine going to a party, filled with a group of men enjoying puppy play. There may be some dog fights but not the kind that the police need to be involved, unless of course they are into it then I say, go for it!
I am continually amazed at how many types/versions of BDSM are out there. To say that you are into S&M, isn’t enough. You have to be more specific.There is the dominant one, who would be the owner/trainer and then the pup. This is where the link is to S&M but instead of the sub in the traditional sense, they let go/escape the human part of it and take on the puppy role. Go with their animal instincts. The pup lives in the moment and cares only about what is around them, within their eyesight. They don’t eat dog food! That part isn’t true. I mean how bad can it be? Not at all. There is the excitement of when the owner comes home. The kisses, the petting, the treats, the unconditional love, the tail wagging and of course, licks on the cheek, cuddling. It isn’t about humiliation, although if your puppy is not behaving, naturally he needs to be reprimanded and corrected. Positive reinforcement is key in training. If you find that your pup is really difficult to train, you may need to invest in a shock collar. You will place it on their thigh, never their neck. You must never be cruel to animals and I think PETA would support me completely on that!
Think this is something you might want to try? First you need to stop at your local pet store. Grab a dog bowl, possibly a cage if you plan on crate training, a leash, collar, tag and toys of course! Puppies need toys! A muzzle can also be helpful as well since that eliminates the possibility of the puppy slipping up and talking like a human. Online would be the best place to purchase a dog hood. Call me crazy but I am pretty sure the local Petsmart doesn’t carry those. It is also a good idea to invest in mitts. Something to put on the pups/dogs hands to prevent them from utilizing their fingers. Are you worried about the time involved with teaching your puppy behaviors? You can always hire a trainer. It is their specialty and they know how to deal with everything from an alpha dog to a timid brand new puppy. No! They do not actually potty outside. Seriously?… That would be silly!
Feeling intrigued but nervous? Try an experiment. Get on all fours and bark, just start barking. How does that feel? The great thing about puppy play is there really isn’t any pain involved. It is a lot of affection, primal love and never embarrassment. Ever see an embarrassed dog? Me either!
As with any type of play it is important that there is a bond, a trust, between you/master and your pup/dog. A pup wants to feel protected. It will be your job to keep them safe. That is the only way they can completely immerse themselves in this play. There are some that find this sexually exciting as well. The master and puppy, the collar and muzzle, the worship of the owner. This can be a turn on for many and will lead to sex, and that’s great as well. I know many a man who once hearing a woman meow at them the first time got rock hard and would do anything at that point for the kitty.
I must stress that you/a stranger, should always take caution approaching one of these puppies/dogs. It is usually easier with puppies since they are more playful but with the older dogs, always ask the owner if it is okay to pet them. If they growl at you then leave them alone. We all have those days and you gotta respect that.
Go into this with both eyes open. Puppy training isn’t always easy. You will need to deal with barking, whining and possibly have to invest in a chastity device. There is nothing more embarrassing than having company over and your pup/dog starts humping their leg.
- Naughty Nancy.. No 50 Shades of Grey Here! All Black & White
If you are a 50 Shades of Bullshit fan than I think it’s important that you see that S&M is not what they make it out to be. I fear that women and men all over the world will end up pierced, or hog tied and have no idea how they got into the situation. Here is a glimpse of reality.
If you follow me at all then you are familiar with Naughty Nancy. An ex prostitute from Amsterdam that gives you the straight shit. No sugar coating.
She has the ability to shock you.. scare you.. intimidate you.. and make you laugh harder than you ever have before. That is Naughty Nancy. There is no other.
She accompanied me to the AVN/ANE expo since I knew I was going to be busy at the booth. I needed someone that could give me some info on the scene and was ready for anything. I think she may have found a new demographic and possible hobby!
- Turn Me 50 Shades of Grey | An S&M Perpective
This is my review of this book. Now please understand you do not have to agree with me, it is only my opinion. I am glad I waited a few days. My “hotter than hell” cousin came over to visit (before he goes back to NY BOOO!) and asked me about the book. I gave him my perspective and in comparison used what is in my mind the closest, The Secretary. He had never seen it (OMG!), luckily I just happen to own it and there we went! I am so glad I did because I can’t believe how many similarities I found, only simmered down.S&M People Will Call This Fluff
Let’s start with the obvious, both named Mr. Grey. Seriously! I explained to “HTH” that I felt that The Secretary was more realistic of true S&M and that Shades of Grey was like the Pretty Woman version. Rich, hot guy, misunderstood by everyone, except for her. I imagine genuine S&M people will call this fluff, kind of like what the hookers called Pretty Woman. I mean there really wasn’t hardly anything in the first book other than a few hard spankings. That’s it. I am afraid there is going to be women out there saying there are into it, putting it out there and finding themselves hogtied in some strangers bed thinking, “This did NOT happen in the book!”. I mean PLEASE! She was a virgin and orgasmed (sometimes multiple) every single time! NO WAY! and if YES WAY, you were a better version of Mother Theresa in a past life or something because that is amazing. On top of that, she gives a kickass blowjob and swallows the shit right down. I just don’t see how you can do that. I suppose if she had hit Daytona Beach on a few spring breaks, got hooked on the funnel, but she never drank. I cal BULLSHIT. Take away his money and imagine everything else. He shows up at places when you never told him where you were going. He knows where you live. Stalker! Crazy person! For Sure! Throw in both of their jealousy issues, we are talking a dysfunction that meds could not treat. She is so pessimistic and negative about herself.
No Gifts Sir – Now Whip Me
She didn’t want expensive gifts because it made her feel like a prostitute? Hello! You are calling him Sir and letting him whip your ass? Bullshit! Again. He tells her after seeing her what? twice? He can’t stop thinking about her. A millionaire..Don’t forget about the burns and bad childhood. We have to have that for sympathy. In every tv show with 2 guys, one always got injured and every girl wanted to take care of him, love him. Yet, give him the strength and power to control you. In real life..red flag.
Did I like the book? Yes. Will I read the next two? Yes. Why? Because she does a great job with the details. She is specific and able to help you imagine the seduction inch by inch (btw. Men please take notes!) and because it IS a fairytale and frankly..there hasn’t been any really great ones since Notebook. Before that, Titanic. We all need something to fantasize about. Someone to daydream about at the grocery store, when the kids are complaining, during sex with your husband..whatever. As women we are much more empowered than we used to be. We all want to do it, just don’t want to be the first one to say so. I think women will be more comfortable buying toys, experimenting, going outside the box and letting men know what they like. That is all good. I get the appeal of a good mindfuck but do I think this is..no. I think alot of women do exactly what is said in this book. Now they can talk about it. I believe anything that can make your sexlife hotter and help you discover what makes you happy is worth a shot. You are the only one who will know.
Research Before Diving Into S&M
I think if you truly want to delve into the world of S&M, do more research. This book is no where near enough. Like I said, I believe The Secretary to be more real but after seeing it so many times, I still can’t figure out the symbolism of the worm. Why does that shift everything? What does it represent? You see the dominance. You see the submissive and it isn’t just physical. It’s psychological and that, I think, is more of the core. I think both are sexually arousing but I don’t think everyone will agree. I think 50 Shades of Grey is the Harlequin of the 2000′s. We are not the women we used to be.
I was going to talk more about the similarities between the two movies but now that I am writing this, I don’t want to. I don’t want to take away any of the fantasy from the book. Alot of us need that. If you want to watch the movie you can. Maybe you will agree, maybe you won’t, but I will tell you this…The next time I see an incredibly hot guy, I am going to bite my lower lip and HOPE that he will fall apart, grab me, throw me down and turn me 50 Shades of Grey.
Not sure what I meant by that but it sounded really hot!
A couple more hot pics .. warm up those boys!
- 50 Shades Of S&M | Getting Busted By Landlord
I decided to try something different this month. I am going to be posting my review of Fifty Shades of Grey so I figured lets stick with that S&M theme. I hope that isn’t a problem for anybody…Now I know I seem like a woman of “experience” mostly due to the fact that I intentionally come across that way. This S&M thing though I learned is a whole different subject all together. I have always said that I will try anything once and I mean that. The problem was I had no idea what was involved in this. This is something ideally you could try with your fantasy fuck (see Nov.’11) This way you have no embarrassment and its easier to get out of doing it again if you don’t want to. I am going to tell this from a perspective of someone not having a clue. I am not saying it was me but I’m also not saying it was anyone else. Got it? Also, always key when you are reading my blogs is to remember I am full of shit.
Ok..It’s gametime. Fantasy Fuck has called and is up for an afternoon rendezvous. Very excited. Of course all the prep work involved does seem to require a lot more time and effort than sometimes he does. I work on preparing my “sex” cd. Why? Because everything is better with music in the background I think. Easier to catch a beat and not lose your rhythm. As I am doing this the sexting is going back in forth. It’s fun, playful, but at a certain point you run out of lines. This is concerning. WTF! What do I say next? Especially when they come back with, “And Then?” “And Then” I DON’T KNOW! I’m running out of shit to say! I place a call to my guru who saves my ass and sends me an email full of tons of lines. Perfect! I start throwing those out there. Then it happens..
Be Ready to be Degraded
“Umm. Hey so he just said Be ready to be degraded. What does that mean” (This is all my side of the conversation. Must protect her identity ;)” No..can’t be that, we have done that. Nope. He has done that. No Way! I am so not doing that! You don’t know?! FUK! Ok what? So you think he wants me to dominate him? No, I haven’t. Always been afraid I would start to enjoy the beating the man part a little to much. I Know. I was joking. Ok..place toys in hidden spots around bed? Got it. Restraints? Yep, got those. Blindfold? Of course! But what do I do when he gets here because let me tell you if I stay in this outfit much longer, it will melt on to me. I grab him? Ok. Throw him against the wall and blindfold him. Really? Ok. Got it. Yes, the whips are on the bed and stuff. Lay him down? Ok. Then what? Tickle, tickle, hit? Shut up! Is that really how it goes?! Ok..tickle..tickle, hit.. Got it. Wait..let me write some of this down on my hand. I need to change my music too. Put him in the restraints? Got it. Ok. I dominate? Ok..Lets give it a shot. Of course! I will call you afterwards!”
Landlord Drops By During Daytime S&M Play
What can I say? Daytime S&M play not always the best idea when you are in costume and your landlord decides to stop by. A housecoat will help but those boots are poking out and he isn’t stupid. Finally the arrival. Now I am not going to give a play by play but I will say this. THANK GOD he was blindfolded because if he could see my face when I was on top (still dressed) I looked ridiculous! I was sitting looking at the toys trying to figure out what to do. Do I pick up this one? Or this one? She never told me where I could hit him. Shit. Was it tickle, hit, slap? What do I tickle with? The crop? Well that doesn’t seem like it would tickle. I looked like an anxiety ridden, hyped on ritalin, confused looking woman. I was not on ritalin, I just mean shaky and wound up. Thank God! Stranglehold came on so I can put myself in a rock video and run with it. HEY! You play your way, I’ll play mine! A second thanks to the fact that on that occasion he was so riled up before the event that afterwards I was like,”Are you kidding me?! I spent how much time getting ready and he lasted thru 1 1/2 songs!” Do I regret it? NO! Life is to be lived. Now do you see why I refer to Fifty Shades of Grey a fairy tale? It’s that whole Fantasy versus Reality. I really wasn’t even that annoyed with how long he lasted. That was due to my “hotness” or that’s what I tell myself. I still made fun of him all the time..of course! Because psychologically from then on, he would be trying to last long and I would be able to see the frustration in his face and the tension and I would enjoy it.Maybe I am a dominant and just don’t know.
Say Something Raunchy