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Butler vs Submissive.. Is The Only Difference A Uniform?


I was watching a film that was loosely based on Doris Duke. It was about her and her butler. Initially while watching it, I assumed he was straight. Later in the film it is revealed that he is gay, although you never see him out with men or talking about needing sex. It seemed like a take it or leave it. He was happy just being who he was and taking care of Doris. There was a point in the movie where he is asked what he really wants in life. For her, he was difficult to understand. He obviously adored her but had no desire to sleep with her. He is offered a large sum of money to leave but turns it down. He has no outside friends or hobbies. What is in it for him? His response is that all he wants to do is take care of her and that’s what made me think about being a sub and not the “traditional” female sub/male dom, but the opposite. We don’t hear a lot about it. Why not?

Is there something wrong with a man being a submissive? Why isn’t it talked about more? I’m thinking it’s because, like everything else these days, society has its own definition of what a male sub would be. A tiny guy who is meek and shy. A guy who is quiet and stays under the radar. Like every other assumption or judgement society has, they have it completely wrong.


I am considered by some, an assertive woman. An independent, strong and in control type of woman. Perhaps the dom role is something I should entertain.  I decided to do some digging. After reading a few articles I thought, “This is it! This is what I want. It sounds perfect. This man sounds perfect” I delved further and realized it isn’t that simple. They aren’t that simple.

A male submissive, in general, is exactly the opposite of what others think. They are strong, powerful men who in their daily life, may be lawyers, doctors, CEOs. They always call the shots. This is why after hours, they want someone else to take over. I can understand that. It makes sense. I was like, “Count me in!”, but how can I tell if they are into this? There are a lot of suits out there.

He is a gentleman. The kind of gentleman that I have never experienced. The kind I didn’t think existed anymore. He will pull your chair out for you, open doors, want you to be happy. He wants to take care of you and enjoys it. In fact, it arouses him. He is turned on by success, your success. He isn’t threatened at all and will be your cheerleader. He loves a woman who does not need rescuing. If your meal isn’t to your satisfaction, you don’t just sit there and say nothing. You also don’t tell him in hopes that he will talk to the waiter for you. Male subs are also excellent fathers. He will be very involved in the upbringing of your children. He will go to school events, baseball games, whatever extracurricular activity the kids participate in. I wish I had known about this. That sort of trait these days is priceless and not as easy to find, as you would think. One of the best and most interesting traits that many submissive men is that they really don’t care if you are overweight. They aren’t looking at your body. Odds are they will be looking at your feet asking if you get pedicures since his desire is to kiss them and rub them. Speaking of feet, he is also a fan of high heels. He doesn’t like flats or running shoes. He likes you looking powerful and tall. In fact, he may sleep on the floor just so you are above him. One trait that I wasn’t aware of is that generally they are completely smooth. They shave their entire body, pubes and all. Is it to have the younger, innocent look? He could be into the mommy thing. I have no idea. There are a variety of play that the submissive male will be into. It isn’t all bondage and insult. It doesn’t have to be.

man-on-knees Now to the part that for me is something I could not do without. Many of these submissive men do not have a desire for penetration. Yes, they don’t want or even need sex. Being dominated is what turns them on the most. That’s what turns them on. I guess you can’t really say it’s a terrible thing when you look at all the other positives. It is like all relationships. It is hard work. There has to be communication and respect for each other. He is a person, not just a submissive man. After I learned these things I saw that it isn’t as green on the other side of the fence as I thought. It isn’t easy. You still have to compromise, think about their feelings, and listen to what they say, what they want. It isn’t simple but for others, it is everything they want. So even though I thought this sounded perfect at the start, I’m going to have to choose the butler. It’s less complicated and I have been single for a long time. Of course, I can’t afford a butler right now but when I can, I will be able to maintain that relationship. I’m not a complete loss.


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