Could our maternal instinct be our Achilles heel? Think about it. I am not saying it tied to mother’s necessarily, even though historically that is what they say. I am talking about the instinct. There are many women out there who don’t have this. A man can have it. Sex doesn’t mater. I know a lot of gay men that I know have that maternal instinct. That could be why they make great parents, and ex-husbands if they didn’t come out until it was time to end their male/female marriage. I know a few straight men. I can see paternal but maternal is different.
Maternal, I believe is more nurturing. There isn’t that whole, “Throw him in the pool. He will learn to swim” It’s that feeling you have deep inside. That gut feeling that tells you, “I know this is not something they are ready for yet but I will raise them to be capable of it”. It isn’t an in the moment feeling. I believe for a lot of men, they don’t really look past now. That isn’t in their control. They feel like they can’t do anything about that. The maternal feeling, it sees a lifetime. They will look at this child/teen/adult (it never goes away) and see what this human being can be. What they are capable of and they know it, for certain, deep down in their soul. Their life mission is to help this little piece of their heart, see this and learn that they can do it and be a phenomenal human being. It’s maternal instinct.
I am talking about a particular person but a type of person. It’s a weakness that ends badly and we don’t even realize it’s a problem. It is inside of us. We can’t help it.
Warning I have many bullshit theories. I am always honest about that. None have significant science proof they exist. They are pretty much ridiculous explanations I have come up with in my not so rational brain. I am probably wrong but I am able to speak them with enough confidence in the moment that I can move past the obvious deficiencies and come up with another. Works for me.
It’s that issue many of us have. I have been guilty of it. We meet someone. “Fall in love”. We look at this person with warmth in our heart and see the halo above their head and know this is the one. The problem?
We look at this person and we see what they are capable of. We see how smart they are. We see how they could succeed in this world. We believe in them and know, without a doubt, that they will get there. They just may need a little steering in the right direction and the “right” person to show them they can do it. You want them to see what you see. This is why the ending isn’t like the historical story but another version. It isn’t death but it doesn’t end well.
I think the mistake we make is not seeing who they are at that time. The way they really are. They are adults (not our children) and they pretty much are who they want to be. If they wanted to be more, they would. We end up staying in this relationship for a long time. We hope that they will see it. We do everything we can to help them see it. They never see it. They are usually fine with who they are and can’t understand why you are not. They are exactly the same as when they met you so what is the problem? You loved them then. What changed?
It’s that damn maternal instinct I tell you!! We have to somehow teach our hearts that if they are adults, any sort of nurturing, love, support, constant affirmation, isn’t going to do shit. You are not that secret piece of the puzzle that will help them see the light. It isn’t you that they needed his whole life to help “fix” them or “change” them. You are not that (no offense). You just don’t have that special super power. We spend sometimes years in this relationship. We waste years in this relationship. It doesn’t work.
We just have to try and find a way to shut down that maternal thing when it comes to relationships. Personally, I have tried using baby animals and now, as I stand before you, with two dogs, two kittens, two birds and a guinea pig, I’m not so sure it is the route you should take. I will say that you will be busier and less able to put as much thought as you were about people you meet but like I said before. I am completely full of shit.
It’s how I roll.
Say Something Raunchy