- Swinger Slang …
So there I am doing an interview with Micheal and Holly and as we start to talk
about swinging I realize how little I really know about it. I had no idea there were
so many types and language for it. The word swinger cannot be generalized. It’s just the umbrella!
1. The Lifestyle
The Lifestyle is a term coined by Robert McGinley I believe in the 70′s or 80′s. It is basically a modern version of the term “Swingers”; however, most people in the Lifestyle feel it is more encompassing that just swinging. It includes people that are sexually open minded in general.2. Full Swap
Full Swap is generally when a couple fully swaps partners, including intercourse. Some Full Swap couples are interested in playing in the same room, and some are interested in separate rooms. We highly recommend speaking with your partner to find out what you are both comfortable with before a “play situation”. This way you can make it clear to the other couple or single what your limitations are ahead of time.3. Soft Swap
Soft Swap is when couples exchanges partners, but do not have intercourse. Generally it is limited to swapping orally. Many times a couple will decide to limit their play to Soft Swap; however, in the heat of the moment will go further than then agreed to previously. In general we feel this a mistake. Stick to the limitations you discussed. There will always be another opportunity, you can always do “more”, but you cannot go back.4. GG or Girl-Girl
Girl-Girl is where just the women play and the men either watch, join their partners, do their taxes or play a board game, but do not have any interaction with the other persons partner. Some Couples are interested in Girl-Girl with limited touching. Once again, work this out ahead of time, talk to the other couple and set parameters.5. Same Room
If someone says they are interested in “Same Room” this may mean they are interested in Full Swap (2) Same Room, or it may mean they are interested in having sex with their partner in the same rooms another couple is having sex and watching each other.6. BBW
BBW stand for Big Beautiful Women, and is a term used to describe plus sized women typically in the Lifestyle.7. BHM
Similar to BBW (6) it stand for Big Handsome Men and is a term used to describe plus sized men in the Lifestyle.8. Bukkake
This is an extreme fetish and generally is not really part of the Lifestyle. You would not see something like this at your local swingers club. It is generally limited to Fetish events. Is generally where a girl sits on the floor, on plastic, kiddy pool, etc. Then a bunch of guys stand around and Jerk off on her. Sometimes she puts it all in a cup and drinks it. Really! Not being judgmental, just saying!9. Mandingo
Is like a “dick for hire”. He is a guy that prides himself on his sexual abilities. As far as I know Mandingos are also always Black, though I do not know this for a fact.10. Bull
Is a single guy that is looking just for casual sex with a female. Either single or part of a couple. Men that are considered “Bulls” are typically well endowed.12. Dogging
Thank God this has NOTHING to do with Dogs! This is something that as far as we know is only practiced in the U.K. People meet in parking lots at a given time, and have sex in their cars. Some people swap partners, some singles looking for couples or other singles, and some people are more Exhibitionists (13) just want other people to watch them.13. Exhibitionists
These are people that enjoy having sex while other people watch and are not necessarily Swingers.14. Voyeurs
These are people that enjoy watching others have sex and are not necessarily Swingers.15. Hedo
Is short for Hedonism which is a 280 room, Lifestyle friendly resort in Negril Jamaica.
16. Desire
Is a 110 room Lifestyle friendly resort near Cancun Mexico.
17. Callenete Caribe
Is a 100 room Semi- Lifestyle Friendly resort in the Dominican Republic. It is owned and operated by the same people that own Callente the Nudist resort close to Tampa Florida. However, it was originally strictly a Nudist resort, so there is always the possibility of underage people being present. For more information go to LoveVoodooTravel.com18. Hot Wife
Is a wife that sets up casual sex dates with other men. Typically she or her date take photos and send them to the husband. The husband receives sexual gratification knowing his wife is doing something sexually with another guy. We think this particular part of the Lifestyle is more common than most people realize, however is not discussed because the husband feels it may reflect negatively on him. If you feel that you want to see your wife with another man, we encourage you to talk to her about it.19. Nudism / Nudist
Are people who enjoy being nude and being nude is part of their Lifestyle. Nudist claim that they separate being nude from sexuality. Nudist are not necessarily Swingers, and Swingers are not necessarily nudist. Most nudist while around other nudist are “Anti -Swingers” ;however, we find that when other nudist are not around they are much more open minded! Be warned that Nudist camps or resorts are NOT Swingers Clubs (36). There are typically many children present at these places, so any show of sexuality is obviously frowned upon. LoveVoodoo does not hold events or deal with Nudist resort, because of the possible exposure to people underage. We do not believe you can separate being nude from sexuality.20. Anal
This is a complicated term and cannot be explained over the internet. If there are any women that are interested in this act, please contact the admin directly!21. Water Sports
Is the practice of peeing on the person you are playing with. If you are a Water Sports “Top” you are the one peeing. If you are a Water Sport “Bottom” are you being peed on! WARNING: If you travel to either Hedonism or Desire and see Hotel Employees with shirts that say “Water Sports”, this is a totally different thing! We suggest you ask before you attempt to urinate on them. Water Sports is not considered in the “Main Stream”.22. Top & Bottom
These are terms that are more common in the Gay community, but occasionally come up with Swingers especially if the Male is Bi-Sexual (36).Top means you are the “Giver”, and bottom means you the “Receiver”23. Squirting
Squirting is Female Ejaculation. Yes ladies you can do it to, just takes practice!24. Swallowing
Similar to Number Anal (20) This is simply too complicated to explain on the internet. Any ladies that are interested should contact the admin immediately25. Newbies
Are people new to the Lifestyle, or to a Lifestyle club or resort. I.E “Let’s wait in the lobby and get the Newbies when the bus arrives!”26. Vanilla
Vanilla refers to something that is non-Lifestyle. For example, and Vanilla Club, Vanilla Friends or Party. Chocolate, however, does not mean something that is associated with the Lifestyle, that would typically refer to African Americans in the Lifestyle. Confused yet?27. DP
Double Penetration. One girl, two guys, but only one vagina! Solution? One penis in the Vagina the other in the Butt. WARNING: If you are the guy on top and not using a condom, please be considerate of the guy “down stream”28. DPP
Double Pussy Penetration. I do not think this needs any further explanation.29. Bare Back
Bare Back would refer to having intercourse without the use of a condom. This is generally frowned upon in the Lifestyle. The Staff of LoveVoodoo strongly suggests the use of condoms along with regular testing. No joke on this one!30. Group Sex
Is a group of people all having sex. This is what most Vanilla people think swingers do every Saturday night; however, it is rare occurrence. Swinging typically consists of two or three couples. Remember, if you come upon a Group situation you still must ask permission to join.31. Gang Bang
Like Group Sex (30) Gang Bangs are rare and typically outside of the norm for the Lifestyle. This is where a single girl has sex with multiple men.32. Off Premise
An Off Premise Club or Event is an event where sexual activates do not take place at the event. These events typically take place at Hotels at Meet & Greets. These events also normally sell alcohol.33. On Premise
An On Premise Club or Event is where sexual activities take place at the event. If a Swingers Club (36) is On-Premise typically they are also BYOB. On Premise Swingers clubs have areas or rooms set up for people to have sex or “play”.34. House Party
A house party is a where a member of the Lifestyle hosts an On Premise (33) party at their house. These events are typically a little more high pressure where some level of participation is expected. This is not always the case but can be.35. Meet & Greet
A Meet & Greet is an Off Premise (32) event typically held at a hotel or bar. These are generally low pressure events for people interested in the Lifestyle to get their feet wet.36. Swingers Club / Social Club
Swingers Clubs are either On Premise (33) or Off Premise (32). There are swingers clubs in every state in the United States and in most of the world. These clubs are a safe place for people to meet and explore their sexuality. These clubs are typically NOT high pressure environments, as some would suspect. They are a great way to meet other people in the Lifestyle. To find a club in your area, go to http://www.swingersclubslinks.com/37. Site
If someone asks “What site are you on?” They are referring to a Swingers Social site like LoveVoodoo or Swingers Underground. If you are not a members of a Lifestyle site we strongly suggest you join one. They are a great secure, safe way to meet like-minded couples and singles. We obviously recommend LoveVoodoo & Swingers Underground; however, there are other good sites out there also.38. Bi – Sexual
Bi – Sexuality is very common in the Lifestyle with women. Not only is it socially acceptable, but it is encouraged. Bi – Sexuality with men is typically not socially acceptable and not very common on the surface; however, this is not the position of LoveVoodoo. We feel that Bi-Sexuality with men is much more common that many people think, and because of the stigma attached to it, it is done behind closed doors. All sexualities are welcome on LoveVoodoo, Swingers Underground, and LoveVoodoo Travel events. We also suggest before any play situation you state what your sexuality is, so there are no “surprises”!39. Bondage
A sexual fetish in which restraints such as ropes, chains, cloth or leather straps are used to bind, tie or hold a participating sexual partner. The person doing the binding is considered “dominant” while the person being bound is considered “submissive.41. Unicorn
A Unicorn refers to a single woman in the Lifestyle. They are called Unicorns because they are pretty rare, and many have never seen one!42. MFM
Stands for Male, Female, Male. This is a situation where there are two Men and one women in a threesome43. FMF
Stand For Female, Male, Female. This is a situation where there are two women and one Male in a threesome.44. Hall Pass
This mean that one of the individuals has permission to play on his own from his partner.Many Thanks to… This list is available on their site.. www.lovevoodoo.com
© 2011 LoveVoodoo
- Why Pro-Trump? Could Sexual Assault Be The Answer?
We are currently experiencing another dose of unapologetic, ridiculously ignored, sleazy, skin crawling, onslaught of sexual assault headlines. I say ridiculously ignored because of course this has been going on for years and not just with the Harvey Weinsteins. We have witnessed the carefree public attitude with Donald Trump. The excuses, the “locker room talk” so it’s okay rationale. Sexual harassment is a problem that has been going on for decades. Nothing seems to change and excuses are accepted.
I have struggled to make sense of the supporters of Trump. I cannot even look at his face without my skin crawling. I honestly, feel physically ill. I downloaded many months ago for my computer to substitute any photo of him with kittens so that I could tolerate Yahoo/Google news. I am not exaggerating. Just his appearance.. disgusting. I tend to avoid the political and religious debates on my site. I show no shame for my beliefs but I try to keep an open mind. Not everyone is the same and that is what keeps life from being unpredictable and interesting. I have to be honest though. I struggle BIG TIME with understanding some peoples’ support for Trump, in particular women. I just haven’t been able to see it remotely from their perspective no matter how much I try. During one of my talks with one of these friends, I think I have come up with a possible reason.
I have been sexually assaulted. I have been harassed, threatened, taken advantage of, etc. And I am well aware that this doesn’t make me unusual but on the contrary, pretty typical. Strange isn’t it? That having been through these situations makes me “normal”. When the Bill Cosby headlines came out and now the Henry Weinstein stories were exposed, none of it surprised me. I wasn’t shocked or even disappointed which tells you something right there. I know there are many, many more Cosbys and Weinsteins out there and in my experience they tend to outnumber the …. how sad is that? I can’t even come up with a prominent person’s last name to put there. THAT is what I think the missing link may be.
As much I can avoid Trump talk I do or if unavoidable, I fall back on my humor (I picked the one who if I was forced to have a threesome, which one would I choose) or the common sense explanation (seriously? I am pro LGBT, my kids are disabled, bullying made them suicidal, we all have pre-existing medical conditions, I am from Canada). These two have usually put a stop to debates with me but one time, with a good friend, I couldn’t go with the sarcasm and we both knew it couldn’t be avoided or brushed under the rug. So there it came out. She was pro Trump. Like I said, I try to understand but it is a struggle. I listen to her side, she listens to mine. We agree, not to disagree but try to respect that person and know that female friendships really are hard to come by. Is this a friendship that matters to us and will this cause us problems in our daily talks and nightly escapades? It wouldn’t. We try not to convince the other but explain a bit and I realized something. My intensely strong opinion was coming from a different place and had an anger that she could not relate to. My disgust and passion about my hatred was not at all like her opinion towards Hilary. This made me stop…
“Have you ever been sexually assaulted? Harrassed? Raped?”
“No.. I haven’t”.
The really sad part was that I was shocked. I couldn’t believe it. She was pretty, a girl, nice figure and never? (Right there is how fucked up this is) I’m not just speaking about the male/female situation as well. There is harassment on your sexuality, your fetish’, your vices, your beliefs, your playtime, everything. When you look at it from that perspective, for someone to say no is, to me, like unbelievable (which again proves how bad this is in society). It was then, when it hit me. Perhaps, that is why, there are these people/women, who don’t feel like I do and so many others do. They haven’t been through it, carried it with them all their life, tried to get past the unpassable. They haven’t been shamed or blamed themselves. They haven’t locked themselves up in a room and cried. They haven’t lived with fear or had to build walls to protect themselves. They haven’t had something happen to them that could actually change the person they are. No more innocence, no more carefree, no more trust. It’s lifelong. Donald Trump is that to many of us. He is that man/person who ruined our lives. He is that guy who took advantage of us. He is that guy who acted like it was no big deal. He laughed at the pain and never cared about what he did/said. He is that man that permanently ruined our lives and made it next to impossible for us to have a healthy relationship. He is our devil. Strong words I know but when you have dealt with something like that at a young age in life, as you get older you realize that you were innocent. You did nothing wrong. You never “asked” for it. You realize it with age but it’s still in your core. Most struggle their whole lives to get past it but never do.
I was 12 years old. A man installing our cement driveway. Came after me in the house with wads of money. Tried to get me to do stuff with him. I was scared. My parents weren’t home. We later went to the police. What were you wearing? A bathing suit? (It was a full piece and the fact that I felt the need to point that out to you just shows you how fucked up it can make a person). They did nothing. I was a mess. How about a counselor a school? That might help. He came on to me. Offered me money to go buy myself something, make me feel pretty. Ya… that worked. Eventually after going through it too many other times, different scenarios but the same point, I took that power back and started to dress differently. If I was going to deal with this, I wanted to be ready. You want to assume/judge, well I am going to give you a reason. Still looked for answers and mostly in the wrong places but I felt more in control. Even now, something will happen (kids doctor came on to me, got sweaty and weird while I was in a room with him, got off and sent inappropriate messages to me. My doctor convinced me to report him. Nothing happened to him and I had proof). It really has never stopped. Especially in those weak moments (notice I don’t have those anymore) when you need help or just someone to talk to. How old am I? I still won’t go to a party and let off all of my steam/stress and get shitfaced and pass out. Yep.. even at my age some idiot will try and fuck you in the ass even if you are passed out and think there is nothing wrong with it. If I’m that stressed, I do it at home. There is a big chance I could be wrong about the Trump thing but I can tell you this with 100% certainty, when I see his face or hear his words, I feel hate. I feel disgust. I feel like if he died tomorrow I could care less and I don’t feel that about my ex who owes me hundreds of thousands in child support and alimony. I don’t feel that about anyone. It’s probably why I have that screen download. If I have to look at his face, I see way too many that have made my life, at one point or another, feel like hell.
What if these people who voted for him are just lucky? How fucked up right?
- Could a sexbot be your ideal mate?
Six Million Dollar Man, Bionic Woman, Innocent? NOT!
Did you love barbies when you were a little girl? Did you watch the Six Million Dollar Man and daydream about having those same abilities? Remember watching Six Million Dollar Man or Bionic Woman? It seemed innocent enough right? For Christmas one year I got the Bionic Woman doll and was ecstatic. It was exactly what I wanted. Remember when they fell in love? Every girl’s fairy tale. Apparently, a few boys out there saw it as their dream fairy tale as well, and have fantasized about it for years. I don’t think that what the parents had in mind!
If this is you, don’t be concerned, you are not alone. There are many of you out there. The majority are men but usually at some point the women follow in their fetishes so they could get up there with you. They are just going to have to make some improvements in some areas. I fear watching the manbot thrust that it could lead to boredom for a woman. For gay men, it may not be an issue.
There are so many fetishes out there. You really can’t be too surprised about this one. Just give many thanks to Doug Hines and Scott McLean. They are the inventors that are working hard to make this happen for you. Personally, I prefer Scott’s work. They are very pretty. Doug focuses on love and matching up desires. No surprise that I choose the guy who focus’ on how they will be in bed.
Can you guess which one is Doug and which one is Scott? Doug is with Roxi. Scott is hanging with Suzy. Now before you get hooked on them, there are a couple things you should know. Doug believes his will retail at approximately $6,000 each and Scott thinks his will go for $11,000 each. Yes! There is a big difference but it’s important to know that Scott plans on having his with a face you can take off and change. In addition, his will be much easier to clean. Not that you have to worry about that one thing. No STDs with these ladies! Believe it or not, everyone interviewed about this fetish, used that as one of the positives of having sex with a robot.They are not interested in having sex with appliances. It seems people think that (it never popped into my mind to worry about my toaster). One man who has had a hard life dealing with people said it started with looking at mannequins. They were so pretty. He said, “A lack of response was better than a negative response”. Having been heart broken in the past, the ability to have a no strings attached relationship seemed pretty appealing. I guess that’s true.
There are really two sides to this. For very lonely and unhappy people, this could be perfect. One guy in an interview pointed out that it would be cheaper than paying a shrink $100 per hour. Hmmm… That made me think. What is this really all about? Isn’t a one night stand no strings attached? There is a catch of course. What these men also liked was that the sexbot would be all about pleasing them. They would never say no or argue. They won’t leave them for someone else, someone richer, someone with a better car. There would be no heartbreak for them. No bad breakups. They could program the robot to know everything they like and everything they don’t like. It could be programmed to just listen and then say, “I understand”. Do you see where this is going? This “sexbot” is their ideal fantasy woman! (They probably voted for Trump). They want a woman who doesn’t have a brain or opinion. They just want a hot looking chick who does everything they say and whose world revolves around them. They are the men I write about.
You know at least when the manbot comes out, the women who use it won’t be using it to make it their bitch. In fact, if it were up to me, who cares if it even talks. Probably better that he doesn’t. He would serve one purpose and if he couldn’t make a home run, he would be kicked to the curb. Even a gay man would see it for what it is. They would probably want him to have the perfect body (definitely important) and be hot (of course) but our one thing we would both agree on… Ya.. Size matters. This is probably why women adore gay men so much. We have so much in common! - I Am No Longer A Virgin … Cross Another Off My Bucket List
Holli and Michael LIVE on Playboy Radio!
Yep.. Me.. Not a virgin. I am sure you are thinking wtf? Ya right! Well in the area of radio interviews I was!
My portion starts at around 34:00. I still haven’t completely watched it. Initially I figured I would be too superficial about it, then I wanted feedback, then we get to now.
They were wonderful and made me so comfortable. SOOOO much fun!I hope you get a kick out of it. I gave them some shirts to share and boyshorts to wear! They were a hit in Jamaica! I guess I can say a part of me has been there. The fun part!
Check out their website. http://holliandmichael.com/
Let loose and enjoy!
- Catty Bitches.. Who needs them!
Why are there some people who insist on slamming other people because of their insecurities? Is it too complicated for them to step back and think.. Has this person ever done anything that would make me think they couldn’t be trusted? Have they screwed me over? Have they been a terrible friend? Have they ever said anything that might give you the impression they are interested in “your” partner or anyone else’?
Why? Why? Yes I know. You were fucked over before. Well you know what? We have all been fucked over before! We have all been cheated on at some point. We have all had our hearts broken? Some, not all, have even learned from it. Just because you haven’t is no reason to shoot others down. Take a look a the person. Do they seem desperate for someone? Do you see drool hanging on their lip whenever your “man” is around? Do you think your fuck buddy is such an amazing catch that you have to keep everyone you deem a threat away from him by atleast 300 feet? Cause you know how thatwhole connversation, ” how are you?” and ” I’m good”,can lead to let’s fuck. NO! YOU ARE THE ONE WITH THE ISSUE and you are the one who is blowing it. Other rational people don’t see it from the same perspective. They are like, they must have done something to make you bad mouth them. They try to find out what it is since this feeds into some of their penthouse naughty little temptress/tempter stories they are hooked on. Instead, when asked you deflect. You have to because you have no valid reason for saying the things you said. Well you need to realize something. Partners come and go. Good friends are hard to find and at the end of the relationship (and it will end) who is there for you? It isn’t them. You are intentionally throwing a sister to the curb because you are so paranoid that you can’t help yourself.If you are worried about them cheating, quit looking at others and look at him. Look at yourself. Where is it coming from? There is already enough catty bitches out there. We don’t need anymore, especially ones who have never shown any inkling of interest in your love. If you are checking their phone, there is a problem. If you have an issue anytime you see them speak more than 2 words to anyone else, you have a problem. If you feel the need to in anyway tell them how to live their life and who to be friends with, you have a problem! This will not make sense. At some point they will see that you are a tad overbearing and be out of there. The only person you will have to blame is yourself. If you are with someone who makes you feel that insecure then walk, no even better, run! That isn’t healthy. We all make mistakes but if we keep making the same mistakes the only person we can get mad at is ourselves. Is it because you are afraid to be alone? That’s bullshit. Then you need to learn to be alone. Do you not feel good enough for them? Well they are in a relationship with you so there must be something you have that they loves. It’s easy to stay in a bad relationship. It takes balls to leave. Where are your cahunas? What are you showing the others around you who look up to you? It’s a load of crap.
Am I annoyed? Yes I am. I have seen this too many times and I stupidly believe that as we adults age we learn to know better. Wrong! These insecure peeps are making not only their partners lives hell but their own as well. Do you think any moderately stable person would want any part of this? Don’t you think if they did, if they had all this power you believe they do, don’t you think they would be with the seduction god? Just think..
Imagine you are meeting your partner at a party and when you walk in you see them talking to a someone with a pen and a piece of paper out. What is your impulse? To go and kick their ass? Or to calmly walk up, say hi, give them a kiss, and when they are done, take them aside, ask them about the crazy notions wondering around aimlessly in your head and concerned about, and actually believe them. If you do, you are in a good place.A relationship should add to your life, make it easier, better, you happier. If it isn’t, its time to move on. There is no point. Assuming the worst means you are having some issues that you need to deal with. We need to build each other up. Not knock each other down. I’m not saying everyone is perfect, I’m just saying, wait, listen, decide with a clear head and if you can’t? Leave the relationship because you are not ready. You should never settle for less than you deserve.
- Fuc$ing and the “Furries”
Ever fantasized about something so strange that once you checked back into reality you immediately felt shame? Wondered if you were weird? Well put those brakes on because trust me, there is someone out there fantasizing about the same things you are. You just have to google furries to find them.There is a lot of information out there about the furries. Some believe they have mental problems, have sex with animals and the conventions revolve around sex. This is not true. There is a approximately 35% of them that do find it arousing. Since my website is about sex, that is the part I am going to write about.
The majority of furries are men, straight, bi and gay men. They probably watched a lot of cartoons as a child and got a little aroused with the mascot at their high school football game. Those furries are often referred to as furverts, attracted to mascots and such. You never told anyone but it was there and making you feel tingly.
In a lot of ways being a furry is just a game of role-playing. I mean who hasn’t dressed up like a nurse before or prostitute to spice up their love life? This is a variation of that only they can identify more with animals to the point where if they feel they are/should be a dog, they chew on furniture. This group of people is referred to as furry fandom. Their imagination is much more real to them so they take on the fursona of the animal character they wish to be. Yes! These are words that the genre uses. I am not that clever. It isn’t always about having sexual intercourse or as they call it, yiffing, some just want the dry humping. The best way to tell would be to check for any holes in their fursuits. There are some who just want a fur pile where they lay on top of each other and spend time scritching. What is skritching? It is a little like it sounds. Scritching is light scratching and grooming of each other. It is kind of like our version of a hug but they do it to all of their fellow furry friends, even the ones they don’t want to fu$k. They think of themselves as one big family. They feel safe and loved.
For some furries all they desire and love to do is create art about the furries. They make crafts and paintings. They write poetry about it. There are even furry comic books! They do also cross over to erotica. At the conventions there are performances, songs, puppet shows, dance routines, everything. All of it is geared around fun. Try to time it right and witness their parade. See.. all about fun. There are some as well, like in everything, who take it further. They watch furry porn. Yep, there is porn, and pornographic furry games. They are animated. I had to take a peak at a couple. I was curious. I love the titles.. Red Ho. Storyline..horny fox fucks her buddy., and Pollys Tale. Keep Polly away from those horny fuckers. I wasn’t sure how I felt about Pepe Le Rapiste 3 although you don’t have to be a genius to figure out its about a horny skunk on a mission. There are some furries who do not want to take it any further than online. Websites are everywhere and cover one end to the other of the furry spectrum. There are others who want to dry hump, and some, have sex. They want to spooge (semen). They want to look in the eyes of the other person and see a fox.
To me, the furries seem like a harmless group who are getting a chance to bring that fantasy to life online and at these conventions. If it makes them happy, healthy and/or horny, who am I to judge? There are obviously a lot of them. They have conventions. I am just happy that they have each other and know they are not alone.
- Valentine’s Date 4 Hire
Valentine’s Day got you worried? Not sure how you are going to pull it off with all those couples invites? I have the perfect solution! It’s a new service I started called “Dream Date For Hire”.
Our Current Dates Available For Hire:
Your Valentines Date
As you can see..we only hire professionals. We want you to feel confident that she will fit in, regardless of the event. Perhaps, it is a mass at church or a fine dining restaurant..even a picnic with wine and cheese.
We do an in depth background search and psychological testing. We also want to make sure she can do well in group situations. Someone you can feel comfortable introducing your parents to. We want her to represent a girl next door, who enjoys gatherings but understands responsibility and behaving appropriately. Someone your dad will love.
As you can see by the above photographs, she is exactly who you want to have as your escort on Valentine’s Day. It will keep all the constant questioning..”You still not dating? Any chance of grandchildren ever? Are you ever going to get married? Do you like women?” from ruining your evening.
We have other members but want to highlight our most qualified.
If interested please contact us as soon as possible. With these kind of members, they won’t last long.
- Why I’m Ideal For Trailer Park Reality Show
Me? My Own Television Show?Can someone please tell me where everyone disappeared to?? I had all of these new hits last month and then.. POOF! Wtf? Did I offend someone? Do I have to start going door to door offering sexual favors? I’m at a loss. When I am at a loss, I decide to take a look at my life from the outside. It hit me!!WHY IN THE HELL DO I NOT HAVE MY OWN REALITY SHOW?
I mean.. Just take a look at some of the reasons I feel I am ideal...I love to drink...I have a lot of prescription pills..I like sex and think women should do whatever they want and screw everyone else..When experiencing all of the above, when the right song comes on the radio, I think I am in a rock video..I live in a trailer and am proud of it (helps my brand image also)..I take S Factor, which is pole dancing and promote it everywhere I go..I have a pole in my living room..I have concert purses and they each have a name..I like to play dress up and have outfits for fun..My bedroom has a S&M decor..My ex owes me $349,000+ in child support..My kids think I have only had sex twice..I stopped making payments on my credit cards at the beginning of summer..I live on government assistance and my kids have disabilities so every month, I am fighting school districts, govt agencies, filling out paperwork, fighting non-stop to barely get by..I am trying to start my own business so that I don’t have to do the above and can take my kids on their first vacation and we can live better than scraping by..My business requires me to drink..My business is adult oriented and I have done every step myself, teaching myself, even filed for my own trademark (Registered!)..I copyrighted all of my phrases so if anyone uses them I can sue..I say whatever I think to men and it’s usually calling them out on something..My close friends find me sweet, school districts think I’m a bitch, regular friends think I’m a blast, guys can’t figure me out and everyone else thinks I’m crazy..My friends are really hot!..I’ll try anything once..I am the only person at a gay bar who drinks beer. AND it’s in the bottle...I walk around naked a little too often..The higher the heels, the better..I have a cock shot collection..I always wear my TheAssGirl clothing and am proud of it..I never sleep with the people I date..I have wigs..I am a concert whore. Love them!..I offered to go to jail but the DA thought I was crazy and wouldn’t let me..I have the word CHAOS tattooed on my back..My car has handcuffs on the mirror, TheAssGirl license plate frame, my company QR code as a window sticker, a Size Matters emblem on the rear of the car, and giant magnets on my doors promoting my website..I have an oversized golden retreiver who tries to attack big dogs and a brain damaged shitzu..I’m not afraid to make an ass of myself. I have done it many times..I’m trying to keep it together until I’m 65. I have no retirement so my best option is to go insane and live in a nice facility. Free meals, my own room, pills, what’s not to love??..I have my kids 24/7. It’s just me..Due to the enormous stress I have in my life, there is an excellent chance that I will snap pretty soon and everyone could witness it!..There never is a dull moment in my lifeHow Perfect Am I?
Seriously! See what I mean? Yes, it is a bit of a lengthy list but you know me. I tend to rant, especially after a couple drinks so… I’m not giving up on my business but I would be a lot more entertaining than some of those shows out there. I also was able to scrape up enough to get myself a pass for the ANE/AVN Expo in Las Vegas (January..porn stars, sex toys) for a second time. Last year I went with no place to stay and no money. Thankfully! A good friend helped me out with the room but it was crazy. I actually don’t have a room yet for this one. I’m saving and trying to figure that part out BUT no worries! I will figure it out and keep plugging forward in an attempt to pay cash for my beer and occasionally buy a man a drink. LMAO! Ya Right! - Playing Supermodel in Parking Lot | Sunset Blvd.
Time for my Part 2,Saturday Night with my gfs. We decided to meet for a few drinks at a new place to start. One of those Sunset Blvd.places where there is no sign outside telling you the name of it, just a few high price sports cars strategically parked out front.We enjoyed a little gossip at the bar for awhile and decided to move on.As we walked to the valet,I busted out laughing.There parked beside the Ferrari,Bentley and Lambo was my Mustang,with the magnets on the door promoting my site,a QR Code window cling on,handcuffs hanging from the mirror,license plate promoting my site. It was hysterical.As we were getting into the car I overheard this guy looking at my plate and saying,”See!You only see this stuff in LA.I love it” Haha!Little did he know I was raised in a city about 3 hours away from where he lives.Crazy is all over,thank you very much.Next stop..Rainbow.Love that place.You can smell the history it has,what a crowd.
A man shouted out how much he loved the boots, got flirty with my gf.
Someone Stole Our Pink And White Roses
He was walking to his car, parked in a red zone so right there I knew, he could be a big shot or he thought he was a big shot.Chatted a bit,I am always promoting so gave him business cards.He said he would return,and to our surprise,he did.He gave my one friend a red rose and us,pink & white.Gee,I wonder who he liked. We drank,met other concert junkies like me,swapped stories and danced. I noticed on the dance floor that whenever I was taking a picture the man would hide his face. It was strange. I then found out that he was giving different names to us. His story kept changing but he did make it clear to my one friend, he could make you well known if he chose to.Whatever! You picked the wrong girl! He found that out real quick but then..oh no ! Someone stole our two pink & white roses! Can you believe it? I immediately reported it to security,letting them know that it was obviously a racially motivated crime. They never took the red rose!Bastards!For some reason they looked at me strangely. Such a fun night.I was serenaded by the street guy..given a shirt from “what’s his name”and enjoyed yummy scooby snacks.I just love my gfs.
Playing Supermodel in the Parking Lot
We ended the evening playing supermodel in the parking lot.It was an interesting area,lots of late night urinating going on.Did we ever find out the story on”what’s his name”?Nope.Got an email but I said I wouldn’t answer unless I knew his name,I’m weird that way.Not another word.Guess he realized that we were not the kind of women he was used to.I don’t need any man to exploit me.I think I am doing a pretty decent job of it all on my own!And having a blast doing it!
- From Barbie Houses to Stripper Poles
BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS!!
It’s Friday night and I am sitting here daydreaming about living in my Barbie House. My kids, pets and my days of the week. Why am I calling it the Barbie House? Probably because when I was young I desperately wanted one. We couldn’t afford it so I would pack all of my things and drag them over to my cousin’s for a sleepover.. she had the Barbie House! That house was bright and optimistic and let’s be honest here… that bitch had it going on. She had an RV, sports car, pool, ski slope, amazing wardrobe and minimal competition for men. In addition, she never gained weight. Yep.. had it going on.Now I snap back into reality. I look around. It really isn’t so bad and my shoes are so much better than hers. She couldn’t walk in them either. They were always falling off. I am CERTAIN she never celebrated her birthdays the way I do! Like everything else in my life..never a dull moment. This year was no different.
Surrounded by Gorgeous Men
I was thrilled when I found out one of my favorite people in the whole world changed his plans for Vegas so that we could party on Friday night. That, to me, is sacrifice! I know not to worry about my nights out with him because it is always filled with surprises. I was introduced to some gorgeous friends who sang Happy Birthday to me with gusto. The restaurant was the bomb! Why? Umm..Hello! Magic Mike was playing on the televisions. Nothing better than being surrounded by gorgeous men, amazing food and hot strippers on a tv screen. Yummm!
Slippery Looking Men
It was time to hit the next place. We were off. Where to this time? Oh yay! It was a place I had heard a lot about but never experienced. What a great place! Great music, dancing (of course!), hot bartenders (even straight ones) and dancers! Slippery looking men dancing all around (although I need to point out I do not think the undergarments they are given to wear are even remotely flattering to their “package”. A shame..really). These guys were climbing poles, hanging from the rafters, working up major sweats. However! I must add, I wasn’t a huge fan of the socks pulled up to the knee look . It just didn’t look right with the briefs. After being dared, I pointed this out to a couple of them, in an extremely friendly way.
This place was big and confusing. One of everything was there. The drinks were strong so observing all the types was quite entertaining. The only problem was this one elderly woman. Imagine the makeup of Lucille Ball, long polished nails, looking like old money, all alone, with a I don’t want to say unattractive but definitely not up there and very masculine face. She was definitely sporting a wig..not the best quality but it meshed well with her overall look. We decided..had to be a man. But wait! No adams apple. Now I was confused as was my companions. She/He was a tough one that none of us could figure out.
At this point a woman came out to dance on stage. She was full of energy and great with the crowd. My amigo next to me stated that he knew if he was ever straight, she would be the woman he would want. I agreed. She had a great ass, an amazing body and could dance. Stoked that I agreed with him, he gave me a dollar (everything is a dollar in WeHo. They really need to think about getting a union because they are seriously underpaid). I went up and tried to put the bill in her bikini but she took it out and placed it in between my boobs. Then proceeded to move seductively and lick and remove my dollar bill. She ended it with a soft kiss. How about that! For a dollar?? See what I mean! The crowd loved her and you could tell by watching her, she loved them. She had a line of men, straight/not/twisted/in wheelchairs, girls, straight/not/twisted/no wheelchairs, waiting in line to give her a dollar. I wish when I sweat it looked as hot as it did on her. She was phenomenal. I said to my friend, “Man, I wish I had her body”. All the men around me agreed for a variety of reasons. The pervies..imagined she and I getting it on. They assumed that’s what I meant. The ladies knew I meant I literally wanted a body like hers and the gay men knew there was just so much to lust after. You have to respect that kind of sex appeal.
Getting On The Stripper Pole
The night finished with dancing, drinks and me stopping myself from getting up on stage on one of those poles. Restraint. Usually not one of my strong characteristics. It was a wonderful birthday celebration and it was only Friday. I still had Saturday night with the girls. You will have to wait on that. I have to get a few grown up things done but I will be back. I am including a pic of a hot singer Franky Perez, who I have been following for years. Inspiring voice. I have added him to my list of men I would sleep with who could get my name wrong and I would still be okay with it.
Say Something Raunchy