We are currently experiencing another dose of unapologetic, ridiculously ignored, sleazy, skin crawling, onslaught of sexual assault headlines. I say ridiculously ignored because of course this has been going on for years and not just with the Harvey Weinsteins. We have witnessed the carefree public attitude with Donald Trump. The excuses, the “locker room talk” so it’s okay rationale. Sexual harassment is a problem that has been going on for decades. Nothing seems to change and excuses are accepted.
I have struggled to make sense of the supporters of Trump. I cannot even look at his face without my skin crawling. I honestly, feel physically ill. I downloaded many months ago for my computer to substitute any photo of him with kittens so that I could tolerate Yahoo/Google news. I am not exaggerating. Just his appearance.. disgusting. I tend to avoid the political and religious debates on my site. I show no shame for my beliefs but I try to keep an open mind. Not everyone is the same and that is what keeps life from being unpredictable and interesting. I have to be honest though. I struggle BIG TIME with understanding some peoples’ support for Trump, in particular women. I just haven’t been able to see it remotely from their perspective no matter how much I try. During one of my talks with one of these friends, I think I have come up with a possible reason.
I have been sexually assaulted. I have been harassed, threatened, taken advantage of, etc. And I am well aware that this doesn’t make me unusual but on the contrary, pretty typical. Strange isn’t it? That having been through these situations makes me “normal”. When the Bill Cosby headlines came out and now the Henry Weinstein stories were exposed, none of it surprised me. I wasn’t shocked or even disappointed which tells you something right there. I know there are many, many more Cosbys and Weinsteins out there and in my experience they tend to outnumber the …. how sad is that? I can’t even come up with a prominent person’s last name to put there. THAT is what I think the missing link may be.
As much I can avoid Trump talk I do or if unavoidable, I fall back on my humor (I picked the one who if I was forced to have a threesome, which one would I choose) or the common sense explanation (seriously? I am pro LGBT, my kids are disabled, bullying made them suicidal, we all have pre-existing medical conditions, I am from Canada). These two have usually put a stop to debates with me but one time, with a good friend, I couldn’t go with the sarcasm and we both knew it couldn’t be avoided or brushed under the rug. So there it came out. She was pro Trump. Like I said, I try to understand but it is a struggle. I listen to her side, she listens to mine. We agree, not to disagree but try to respect that person and know that female friendships really are hard to come by. Is this a friendship that matters to us and will this cause us problems in our daily talks and nightly escapades? It wouldn’t. We try not to convince the other but explain a bit and I realized something. My intensely strong opinion was coming from a different place and had an anger that she could not relate to. My disgust and passion about my hatred was not at all like her opinion towards Hilary. This made me stop…
“Have you ever been sexually assaulted? Harrassed? Raped?”
“No.. I haven’t”.
The really sad part was that I was shocked. I couldn’t believe it. She was pretty, a girl, nice figure and never? (Right there is how fucked up this is) I’m not just speaking about the male/female situation as well. There is harassment on your sexuality, your fetish’, your vices, your beliefs, your playtime, everything. When you look at it from that perspective, for someone to say no is, to me, like unbelievable (which again proves how bad this is in society). It was then, when it hit me. Perhaps, that is why, there are these people/women, who don’t feel like I do and so many others do. They haven’t been through it, carried it with them all their life, tried to get past the unpassable. They haven’t been shamed or blamed themselves. They haven’t locked themselves up in a room and cried. They haven’t lived with fear or had to build walls to protect themselves. They haven’t had something happen to them that could actually change the person they are. No more innocence, no more carefree, no more trust. It’s lifelong. Donald Trump is that to many of us. He is that man/person who ruined our lives. He is that guy who took advantage of us. He is that guy who acted like it was no big deal. He laughed at the pain and never cared about what he did/said. He is that man that permanently ruined our lives and made it next to impossible for us to have a healthy relationship. He is our devil. Strong words I know but when you have dealt with something like that at a young age in life, as you get older you realize that you were innocent. You did nothing wrong. You never “asked” for it. You realize it with age but it’s still in your core. Most struggle their whole lives to get past it but never do.
I was 12 years old. A man installing our cement driveway. Came after me in the house with wads of money. Tried to get me to do stuff with him. I was scared. My parents weren’t home. We later went to the police. What were you wearing? A bathing suit? (It was a full piece and the fact that I felt the need to point that out to you just shows you how fucked up it can make a person). They did nothing. I was a mess. How about a counselor a school? That might help. He came on to me. Offered me money to go buy myself something, make me feel pretty. Ya… that worked. Eventually after going through it too many other times, different scenarios but the same point, I took that power back and started to dress differently. If I was going to deal with this, I wanted to be ready. You want to assume/judge, well I am going to give you a reason. Still looked for answers and mostly in the wrong places but I felt more in control. Even now, something will happen (kids doctor came on to me, got sweaty and weird while I was in a room with him, got off and sent inappropriate messages to me. My doctor convinced me to report him. Nothing happened to him and I had proof). It really has never stopped. Especially in those weak moments (notice I don’t have those anymore) when you need help or just someone to talk to. How old am I? I still won’t go to a party and let off all of my steam/stress and get shitfaced and pass out. Yep.. even at my age some idiot will try and fuck you in the ass even if you are passed out and think there is nothing wrong with it. If I’m that stressed, I do it at home. There is a big chance I could be wrong about the Trump thing but I can tell you this with 100% certainty, when I see his face or hear his words, I feel hate. I feel disgust. I feel like if he died tomorrow I could care less and I don’t feel that about my ex who owes me hundreds of thousands in child support and alimony. I don’t feel that about anyone. It’s probably why I have that screen download. If I have to look at his face, I see way too many that have made my life, at one point or another, feel like hell.
What if these people who voted for him are just lucky? How fucked up right?
Say Something Raunchy