Please note that these are NOT fictional characters. They do exist. We just don’t stand a chance with any of them.
I have been exposed to nothing I have ever been through before and I don’t know if I can come back from, or actually if I want to.
I spent an evening with these phenomenal men. Let’s keep it simple (for the men reading this) and call them Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. It is best to get Sunday out of the way since we are related. I love, love, love! him, more than beer! but due to that whole bloodline thing…He was a doll all night and made sure I was always okay. A great man he was. My week could not be complete without him. He is Sunday because I always look forward to him. I always enjoy that day and it’s usually full of fun. That is him. That’s my Sunday.
Champagne before a night out? How could I miss that? Absolutely not! The warm welcomes and the politeness of all the greetings, very calming and reassuring. Walking in, immediately a glass is prepared. There is no waiting here. “You look fabulous! I LOVE the shoes!” OMG! ME TOO! Time for introductions.
Let’s talk about Monday. Monday was a handsome man with a bit of a European flair. The chest hair was coiffed perfectly and his confidence lit the area around him. I could picture him in every country walking along a cobblestone path, looking like he had lived there for months. He was smooth but not the fake kind. One of those men that can arrive anyplace on their own and carry on a conversation about anything and everything. He was the teacher.
Tuesday and Wednesday were the welcoming committee. I could not imagine them apart. Tuesday had the sweet ‘Steve Carell’ kind of vibe where he was funny, you might think insecure but actually not at all. He was a joy to be around. I don’t think there is anything he could do that wouldn’t be endearing. Wednesday felt the same. Allowing Tuesday to enjoy the spotlight, looking at him with so much affection. There was no competing with the two of them (ladies!), just mutual respect. Wednesday reminded me of a ‘Bill Gates’ type, only attractive. The business man with the life plan who could build anything from the ground up. I imagined he would have these moments of brilliant ideas and was capable of making all of them happen. He saw each person for who they are and was able to learn something from all of them. He was a sponge when it came to knowledge and having him around, if you needed direction, he would give it to you. I had a feeling that when Tuesday and Wednesday, throwing an event, it would end up the talk of the town. The most amazing evening, you would never forget.
Next came Saturday. Where was Thursday and Friday? They weren’t there yet. I already knew Saturday. We had partied before. LOVE! LOVE! Him! He made me wish I was gay. Absolutely gorgeous and amazingly fit. He had endless energy and always offered a hand to help you down the stairs. He was Iron Man. He was that guy in high school who I wanted to talk to but didn’t have enough courage to approach. Everyone would hang around him just to feed off his zest for life. He made things happen. He was a motivator. Once on a mission, no one could stop him. Saturday was the energizer bunny and rock hard. After observing him for awhile, I noticed, he was a male version of me (minus a few details). He was a flirt, using his body language and coy smile to get people to do what he wanted.. both male and female! He was a dancing machine. Girls love to go dancing and we love when a guy is dancing with us, especially when it obvious they are loving it!
Appetizers of caviar and crackers were offered. “Oops! Your glass is only half full(not half empty),let me top that off for you”. A knock at the door. Could there be more? I mean I was already overwhelmed with the questions being asked. The genuine interest in my responses. Their ability to have lengthy conversations all about me. There was more?
There they were. Thursday and Friday. What a sight. They were so bright I could imagine sculptures of them on display at a priceless museum. Thursday had gorgeous hair and definitely a trend setter. Friday was the all American jock. The blonde hair, the muscular build, the smile that made me want to whiten my teeth. They were the ideal fit. I could tell both were motivated by success. They didn’t seem to have to push each other but would if needed. I felt the urge to ask Thursday for advice, any advice, about my hair, and my clothes. “You are already stunning and I LOVE those shoes! You have an amazing body!” I wanted to jump for joy but felt a little weird. All of these compliments and nobody trying to get into my pants. Could they be telling me the truth? Usually when I meet new people, men in particular, I can be an ‘over the top’ flirt but I was in a new position and wasn’t quite sure how to handle it. They were asking questions about my kids, my website, my goals, my likes and dislikes, what I liked to do in my free time…wtf? I felt a little selfish and almost started to downplay my achievements. Am I a loser or what?
Throughout the night they did these things. I never paid for dinner, always offered a hand to me when walking through a crowd, escort to the bathroom. “Are you okay? Having fun? Would you like to go here? Let me get you a drink.” I felt like I should do something, anything for them but it wasn’t allowed. All they wanted was me and my company. “You walk in those shoes like you own it. I love you”. You know what? I love you.. all of you! Every single one of you! What? Can I come over and do a makeover? HELLO! YESSS! Fitness tips? They had them. My shoulder was sore..it was rubbed, without my asking. When it was time to tip the stripper, money was handed to me. Of course strippers.. This is me remember! Definitely strippers.
It was difficult at times. Someone would look like they winked at me and I would look around, not sure what was happening. Wait..Was he just staring at my boobs? Of course! I should have known. Not everyone here was gay. The employees said they preferred working at these bars. They make more money. Better tips.
I was surrounded by so much love and hugs with kisses. It was the best night ever! I was taken care of. So strange. I never felt like that before. I fell in love with each and every one of them that night.
I am in the jacuzzi trying to avoid making eye contact with the man beside me staring. If I look, he will start talking. Must not look. Shit. He started talking anyways. Thankfully my favorite lesbian couple in my hood walked in and immediately I announced that I wished I was a gay man. I glance at the man beside me. Take that! He is confused and not sure what to do. Good. That will shut him up. “Why would you want to have a dick? They are just in the way.” Hmm.. well I have a bunch of dicks at home already, they just run on batteries. I would have a truckload if they were attached to these men. She didn’t understand. She couldn’t understand. That was okay though because tomorrow is Monday and I love Monday.
Say Something Raunchy