When you talk it makes it worse!
I have this friend right now who is currently in a dilemma. Why is that you ask? Well, because her boyfriend couldn’t keep his mouth shut.
I am not sure why it is but it seems men in lengthy and healthy relationships have to screw it up somehow. I don’t know if it is ego, okay, it probably is, but after awhile they have to create an issue even when there isn’t one. I believe in a long relationship they start to need a boost. They need to feel that they still got it. The problem is that they generally screw up the relationship they are in while they are at it.
The male will twist something around in their head to suit their purpose. For example.. My friend was confident in her relationship and trusted her man. They have been through many obstacles and became stronger. There is a lot of travelling separately but this has never caused any problems. Until..
There is always the nightly phone call but on this night there wasn’t. This is unusual but not terribly concerning. I mean, he is out of town working. There are social gatherings and work meetings, no big deal.
“Morning baby”. Oh! (*excitement*) “Hey! How are you? How was your night?” Now this is where he blows it. “It was great! I was out, had some drinks, FORGOT ABOUT YOU, and passed out”. Yes. As women, that is the main part we hear. Wtf? Forgot about us? Are you kidding me? We have never forgot about you (Lord knows in my opinion it might be nice to get away with that one. We could get into a lot of fun trouble), no matter how wasted we have got. “What do you mean forgot about me?” Big mistake number two. “Well I was out with AN ACQUAINTANCE (I am highlighting the important parts so that men reading this will understand what women hear) and lost track of time.” I know, right now all the women out there are laughing thinking, what an idiot. We all know that acquaintance means girl, otherwise you would say a man’s name or use the word buddy or something. In addition, because you said acquaintance and not a woman’s name, you are guilty. At this point, you are screwed. It could be a woman you saved from getting hit by a car. You could have performed CPR and brought her back to life. It could be your 90 year old grandmother’s best friend and it makes no difference. You are fucked! At this point, we roll out the questions and because you guys, in general you do not make things super complicated, instead you do a combination of things. You say something without thinking and/or say something without thinking it may lead to another question. You panic! You lie. You can’t help it. It’s instinct. She knows what you are doing. She says simply, “Was it a female you were with?” You side step (another mistake. If you can’t dance, don’t attempt to side step). She won’t stop and will continue to interrupt your BS until you answer and guess what? Here is the shocker! It was!
Now I sincerely believe that this man wasn’t doing anything wrong. He isn’t a game player. He isn’t an ass kisser. He just doesn’t fit the type but I do think in his mind he convinced himself that his girlfriend can be a little jealous (she’s not) because he is quite a catch (uh huh) and it’s probably better I don’t say anything because it might stir up trouble. Ummm.. actually no. You are wrong and you don’t like that. You need to feed that manly ego of yours and remind her of how lucky she is. Well let me say that she knew how lucky she was. She showed you that by trusting you, sharing with you, being okay with you travelling and not worrying about what you are up to. Now, in one swoop you messed the whole thing up. Boy! Did you ever!
My advice to her, being that I have absolutely no educational background or legitimate reason to back up why I think this, to not say a thing. Let him stew in it. Let him keep texting and calling and don’t respond yet so that he is forced to think about what has happened and why you could be so upset with him. I think if she answered his call right away, worked it out, for him it will be all over with. No big deal. He wouldn’t be able to understand why she flips out the next time he forgets to call. He will have no idea why now she doesn’t trust him at all. It needs to be on his mind awhile. He needs to really get it and the only way, I think, is keeping him paranoid that he fucks things up. I could be wrong, who knows. It’s just my opinion.
Realistically.. He should have followed, “Morning Baby” with “I had a few drinks, was chatting with this Cheryl woman I knew from when I use to work in the financial district. We worked in the same office. It’s been years. Anyways, I was exhausted and fell asleep before midnight. Told her all about you”. (Of course, the names and jobs I am using are fictional). His girlfriend would be fine. She has no reason to doubt him. He was honest. He is travelling so it’s understandable that he was tired. Sure, he could have text her but it was not a big issue. “Yep.. I get it. Maybe next time, just text me”.
He just should have kept his mouth shut.
Say Something Raunchy