Your cart is empty

Buy Dirty Stuff Now!
PayPal Acceptance Mark

Two For One Blue Plate Special | What Do Guys Really Want?

Kermit Flashing

One night (drinking) I was hanging with a gf..drinking some tequila(Jose’ I’m broke so the shitty stuff but tolerable in a one up kind of situation) we decided to go on Plenty of Fish and make a post. Not a usual post but a “Two For One Blue Plate Special”. IT WAS AWESOME! We . . . → Read More: Two For One Blue Plate Special | What Do Guys Really Want?

Morality And Sleeping With Your Cousin

Tits On Bike

Morality? Gets in the way of fun? Nahh ! LOL. May cause a pause at times? Yea..probably. I scratch my brain and have more wine. I think morality is different for everyone. All I know is that the only person who can make you happy is yourself, so do whatever it is you want to . . . → Read More: Morality And Sleeping With Your Cousin

50 Shades Of S&M | Getting Busted By Landlord

Big Ass Big Bike

I decided to try something different this month. I am going to be posting my review of Fifty Shades of Grey so I figured lets stick with that S&M theme. I hope that isn’t a problem for anybody…

Now I know I seem like a woman of “experience” mostly due to the fact that I . . . → Read More: 50 Shades Of S&M | Getting Busted By Landlord

Pole Dancing Country Style | Men and Women Work The Pole

Man Spanking Self in Chaps

Photo Mayhem – Meets the Stripper Pole A ho-down complete with chaps, stripper poles, and more.

[Show picture list] jQuery(document).ready(function(){ jQuery(“#ngg-slideshow-17-198-4″).nggSlideshow( {id: 17,fx:”fade”,width:320,height:240,domain: “http://theassboy.com/”,timeout:10000}); });

Myth #6: Machismo is Sexy-Hot

Shut Up Small Dick

Machismo.. Doesn’t that word just scream gold chain, hairy chest, the scent of Old Spice, white socks worn with sandals, speeding by you in an Iroc? Pretty hot huh?

NOT! It also screams arrogance to me and I hate arrogance. It also screams bushy hair to me and I’m not sure why but that leaves . . . → Read More: Myth #6: Machismo is Sexy-Hot

Warning Warning | Poor Shooter | Ouch My Eye Hurts

Watch Out For Bad Cum Shooters

WARNING! WARNING!

What is going on? What is with the urgent message? WTF?

I am sorry to have to interrupt your Friday evening escapades but I received a phone call that was very upsetting to me. A dear friend called me very distraut. She was inconsolable. What happened? She explained…OH NO! Not again! I became . . . → Read More: Warning Warning | Poor Shooter | Ouch My Eye Hurts

Anal Anxieties | Strap It On

Butt Cheeks And Leather

Now WHERE is the anal-anxieties from? Certainly not what you think immediately (that’s a whole other monthly blog!) more about me being PISSED with the judicial system. Not the petty crap like my ex owing me $320,000 in child support, not parking tickets, but the fact that because I have such incredibly bizarre situations always . . . → Read More: Anal Anxieties | Strap It On

I can only rent because I have commitment issues

Male Blow Up Doll

Actually it came out of left field. A compliment from a friend, from back in the day, that made me smile. Yes, it wasn’t exactly roses & champagne, but when has that ever worked for me? NEVER! I’d rather hear reality. We caught up, had intelligent conversation, then discussed what we had in common over . . . → Read More: I can only rent because I have commitment issues

Shipping Men With Small Penises To China | Improves Self Esteem

Stocking Stuffers

I have been sitting here trying to figure out a ‘J’ word to go with January. It’s really pissing me off. I have already used jack offs (although I do have a neverending list of stories under that catagory). I thought about “Juggs” or “Jauggernaughts” then I realized I’m not so sure how to spell . . . → Read More: Shipping Men With Small Penises To China | Improves Self Esteem

The Joys Of Autism | Mom Look What I Can Do!

Bankrupt Films Water Bottle

What am I up to now you ask? A couple people I care about have recently found out their child has autism. They have a long, stressful road ahead of them but I want them to know that there may be some unexpected surprises along the way.

THE JOYS OF AUTISM

When my oldest was . . . → Read More: The Joys Of Autism | Mom Look What I Can Do!

Falling For Gay Men | You Look Fabulous! I LOVE The Shoes!

Gay Men Love These Shoes!

I have been exposed to something I have never experienced before and I don’t know if I can come back from it, actually if I want to. I spent an evening with these phenomenal men. Let’s keep it simple(for the men reading this) and call them Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. It . . . → Read More: Falling For Gay Men | You Look Fabulous! I LOVE The Shoes!

Semen taste yucky?

Yumm?

One of my favorite things about the ANE/AVN is always the samples. I found this product pretty intriguing. The concept is good, bad tasting semen. This could be a problem for someone. They work like those breath strips. You peel the thin piece, place it on your tongue and it melts. Upon semen release it . . . → Read More: Semen taste yucky?

The Dildo Dr.

Great Promotional Products

There I was driving to Vegas when I see this truck. I laugh hysterically and snap a picture. Imagine, my car with TheAssGirl magnets driving beside a truck with The Dildo Dr. on it. It doesn’t get much better than that!

Talking to the Dildo Dr. was much more informative than you would think. I . . . → Read More: The Dildo Dr.

You Had Me.. Until You Opened Your Mouth

When you talk it makes it worse!

When you talk it makes it worse!

I have this friend right now who is currently in a dilemma. Why is that you ask? Well, because her boyfriend couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

I am not sure why it is but it seems men in lengthy and healthy relationships have to screw it up . . . → Read More: You Had Me.. Until You Opened Your Mouth

Valentine’s Date 4 Hire

Your Valentines Date

Valentine’s Day got you worried? Not sure how you are going to pull it off with all those couples invites? I have the perfect solution! It’s a new service I started called “Dream Date For Hire”.

Our Current Dates Available For Hire:

Your Valentines Date

As you can see..we only hire professionals. We want . . . → Read More: Valentine’s Date 4 Hire

Why I’m Ideal For Trailer Park Reality Show

TheAssGirl Smoking Cigar

Me? My Own Television Show? Can someone please tell me where everyone disappeared to?? I had all of these new hits last month and then.. POOF! Wtf? Did I offend someone? Do I have to start going door to door offering sexual favors? I’m at a loss. When I am at a loss, I decide . . . → Read More: Why I’m Ideal For Trailer Park Reality Show

From Barbie Houses to Stripper Poles

Hot Stripper Play

BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS!!

It’s Friday night and I am sitting here daydreaming about living in my Barbie House. My kids, pets and my days of the week. Why am I calling it the Barbie House? Probably because when I was young I desperately wanted one. We couldn’t afford it so I would pack all of my . . . → Read More: From Barbie Houses to Stripper Poles

Playing Supermodel in Parking Lot | Sunset Blvd.

Two Girls Smelling Pink Roses

Time for my Part 2,Saturday Night with my gfs. We decided to meet for a few drinks at a new place to start. One of those Sunset Blvd.places where there is no sign outside telling you the name of it, just a few high price sports cars strategically parked out front.We enjoyed a little gossip . . . → Read More: Playing Supermodel in Parking Lot | Sunset Blvd.

Turn Me 50 Shades of Grey | An S&M Perpective

Young Man And Cougar

This is my review of this book. Now please understand you do not have to agree with me, it is only my opinion. I am glad I waited a few days. My “hotter than hell” cousin came over to visit (before he goes back to NY BOOO!) and asked me about the book. I gave . . . → Read More: Turn Me 50 Shades of Grey | An S&M Perpective

How High Should I Jump by R. Milton Quibner

A Satirical Guide to Pleasing Today's Woman by Milton Quibner

Author of How High Should I Jump

Take a look at this man in the picture. Who do you think he is? Surgeon? Professor? Retired? What do you think he likes to do in his free time? Sail? Golf? Strip Clubs? One of the things in life I would love to do is eliminate . . . → Read More: How High Should I Jump by R. Milton Quibner